Be careful not to sabotage your relationships while on the phone | culture and society | Social issues from the depths of Germany and the Arab world | DW

You can not reach the Turkish researcher Thisin Nazir as he is watching his phone during his lecture at Ibn Khaldun University in Istanbul. Nazir, an assistant teacher in the Counseling and Counseling Department, is researching the effects of technology on social relationships, including the effects of ignoring someone speaking in front of you because you’re on your phone, known as phubbing. If you’re talking to a person or people, but they’re looking at their phone whether they’re receiving calls or want to write text messages, it means you’re exposed to this kind of neglect.

It can be considered harmless, but it can have a real impact on our relationships with others. In it, Nazeer explains, “It takes away from the time we spend with (friends or family). Unfortunately, we do not realize it.”

Phones help us establish relationships with others and maintain communication between us and can help a person find his partner as well as communicate with family and friends and keep an eye on them when it is difficult to meet and get along. make and even communicate with loved ones. the distances. But using or even having a smartphone while talking face-to-face with someone can take up the time we need to spend with that person.

Jenavi Brown, a psychology lecturer at the University of Northumbria in the UK, says that smartphones “have enabled us to keep in touch with our loved ones in an easy way, either by calling or texting, but sometimes these phones intrude on us. when we talk face to face with another person and here’s the problem. “

Take a break from loved ones and family

How it affects our relationships with others depends on the age of the person we are talking to face to face. In 2020, Nazir interviewed seniors and young adults at his university and asked them how they felt when students used their phones during a lecture. “Their opinion on this behavior differs a lot,” Nazir says. He found that older professors viewed smartphone use in lectures as disrespectful, and younger professors questioned whether their teaching style was the reason why students engaged in their phones during lectures.

But it is not just the ignored person who suffers from the negative consequences of using smartphones. Research by Jenavi Brown and published in the journal Emerging Adulthood in 2016 shows that the more phones used during meetings and gatherings with friends, the less time we spend talking and communicating with them. The study revealed that all participants reported that their communication and conversation with friends were damaged when using their phones, no matter how strong the friendship is. Another study of 300 people, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2017, showed that people who had their phones with them at dinner with family or friends felt distracted and enjoyed their time less than those who did not carry their phones do not have. But for many, especially the younger generations, it has become a natural thing to have a smartphone when meeting friends and family.

Why does it matter?

Melina, a 17-year-old German, says seeing smartphones has become the norm in short conversations. In an interview with DW, Melina added that “the reason behind this is that young people and young people make it a normal thing. But I see it as rude behavior, I personally do not like to see someone check their phone when I am talk to them. ” But her friend Pauline, also 17, says the reason anyone we talk to is checking their phone can make it different. “It’s not good, but I personally do not see it as bad,” Paulin said. “It depends on the reason. It may be important to the person we are talking to.”

Participants in a recent U.S. study published in the journal Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies reported a similar reaction to Pauline’s. The study revealed that people respond less when talking to someone when the latter checks their smartphone for worthless or trivial reasons, but this is different when the reason is an important issue. But participants also see that people they talk to seem less distracted when they use their smartphone for an important reason, even if it’s for the same time they use their phones for trivial reasons.

Caring for the phone can hurt

Recently, when Nazeer accompanied his mother for a medical examination, the doctor checked his phone during the examination. When the doctor left his office, he asked his mother’s peer how she felt about it. Nazeer quoted her as saying, “I did not feel it was being detected at all. He was on his phone.” Nazeer says communicating with someone is more important than just talking.

In an interview with DW, Nazir said: “We forget that when we talk to someone, we not only have to pay attention to what they are talking about, but we also have to focus on body language.”

He adds that when we pay more attention to our phone than the person we are talking to, it sends a message of disinterest in our conversation partner.

“When someone uses their phone while talking to you, it is as if they are telling you that my phone is now the priority,” Nazir explains. When someone shares a romantic story with another person but the person is looking at their phone, that person may feel that the person he or she is talking to is not interested in what they are saying. “It makes this person feel unimportant or unworthy to pay attention, and whatever pain they experience appears to be out of place for the person they are talking to,” says Nazir.

some solutions

For people who want to use their phones less when talking to people face to face, there are innovative solutions in this regard. Some people use apps that block or disable the internet service on their phones, while others turn off the phones for a specific amount of time. A company has designed a sticker that is placed around the smartphone in your hand to remind you that you need to care about who you are talking to, not the phone.

Jenavi Brown, a psychology lecturer at Britain’s Northumbria University, says her advice on telephone etiquette would be to talk about the problem. Brown suggests that one should ask oneself why he prefers a cell phone over spending time with his friend or partner? And she adds, if your friend or partner is usually on their phone when you chat, we should ask them why. In this context, she says: “In this case, we can explain how smartphones will affect our relationship, especially during the exchange of conversations, and we try to find solutions together.”

Louisa Wright

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