The romance of distances … How do you keep the spark of love alive despite the distance?

Keeping the spark of love alive in a relationship can be difficult, if you live or work thousands of miles away from your loved one, you may think that romance will surely burn out.

According to a Newsweek report, long-distance relationships can thrive if you “follow the right attitude”.

Long-distance relationships are no less, but often stronger than relationships where couples see each other all the time, said Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey and author of Stronger Than You Think.

In a report on the romance of long-distance relationships, Newsweek notes that a 2013 study in the journal Family Process backed up this view, finding that people in long-distance relationships had more fun with each other, had better conversations, were more loving . , and was more dedicated. , and less hostile.

Junior said when you are apart, you should embrace the idea of ​​losing your partner, and this is not a red flag we might think, as it encourages relationship-strengthening behaviors such as increased communication, kindness and telling each other how much we it in common.

“We do not always have the wisdom to know what we have until it ends,” the psychology professor continued. “Having a chance to miss our partner can help preserve the relationship.”

Lewandowski and other relationship experts have identified some of the most important mistakes to avoid when away from your partner and lover, including:

No structure or grid

It’s important to maintain communication, as well as to schedule and budget your time together, Anthony Chambers, a clinical psychologist and chief academic officer at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, told Newsweek.

Take care of your partner’s daily life

“An important part of healthy relationships is keeping a good pulse on what your partner is doing throughout the day, from the people they spend time with to whether they are spending a stressful time at work,” Chambers said. .

He added that it is helpful in creating spiritual closeness, and technologies like Zoom and FaceTime make it easier than ever to stay in touch.

Lewandowski also noted that distance allows emotional intimacy to flourish, but that you should continue to communicate via technology, emphasizing that video and audio calls, as well as text messages, build closeness and produce high-quality interactions focused on larger topics. .

Chambers recommend that you and your partner discuss and agree on several questions, including how often they will visit each other, who will visit for whom and what the rotation will look like, and how long the visits will last.

Budget for visits

Regular travel across the country or even abroad is not cheap and Chambers said you need to talk about how much money you can spend on travel and who will pay. Is it going to be split in relationship between the two of you, or is it going to be split based on income?

Whichever way you choose to split the cost, you need to have this conversation so that both partners know where they are.

“Deviating expectations about finances can increase the risk of resentment,” Chambers said.

Lack of honest communication

Marnie Feuerman, a licensed psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, told Newsweek one of the biggest mistakes is not communicating in public when you are apart and when you see each other.

You may be reluctant to be honest when you are face to face for fear that conflict may spoil the limited time you both have. When you are away, misunderstandings may become more likely and it is easier to avoid addressing the issue to speak.

“You need to speak in a calm and open way about your thoughts and feelings, as well as listen with curiosity,” Feuerman said. “You’ll have to see if the relationship can survive the breaks and repairs that are a normal part of any relationship.”

And that honesty also extends to your sexual relationship. ” Partners must still direct sexual energy towards each other, and be creative, ”Feuerman said.

Do not discuss when and how the separation will end

Long-distance relationships work best when a couple has a shared vision and a set of expectations about when to break away from the distance, and Chambers said the lack of a plan can cause frustration for one or both parties.

If the dismissal is due to the job, it is especially important, he continued, “The spouses will have to have difficult conversations about who is going to move and get a new job.”

Chambers said some couples have a “mobile marriage” where there is no plan to cut back, and that is another possibility that couples can explore, although it becomes complicated when there are children.

Suppose your relationship will be the same once you are together

You should not assume that you will feel the same once your long distance time is over.

Visiting a partner for the weekend is a different experience than seeing it on a daily basis. Some couples find personal visits uncomfortable because they have not been around each other for a while.

According to Chambers, long-distance relationships can also distort feelings of closeness and relationship satisfaction and even artificially reinforce them.

Sometimes people feel very pressured to “perform” and have fun in long distance relationships, making each visit a special extra date.

It can lead to unforgettable moments, but it can lead to unrealistic expectations about living together in the long run.

“Couples need to be aware that once they are not divorced, it’s normal and the relationship is expected to feel a little mundane or muted,” Chambers said.

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