Can you leave the abusive relationship that threatens your life and mental health now and forever?

The relationship between men and women in our societies is built on love perhaps, traditions and customs, and a lot of family and society interference.

Most of the boys and girls of our generation were raised on a principle that believes that violence is part of the expression of love, and violence was not limited to one generation without another, but it is in different ways in both practiced generations. , girls are more vulnerable to verbal and psychological violence, to attempts to enforce community and family control over them for reasons related to With honor, honor, a good reputation and many complications that girls and women have in their lives in the facing. those who manage to break that chain and go away can be said to be happy because of their ability not to obey the same habits, or because of their journey or distance and to get the opportunity they have in fact offers. Full respect and does not encircle the boundaries of her personality, her job and her life choices.

“I was beaten in my childhood, which prepared me for a similar relationship when I was growing up, and it was not the worst thing I lived through, the verbal violence was harder and deeper in myself,” says Sabina (‘ a pseudonym). a young woman in her early thirties, from a family of Czech and Syrian origin. Sabina lives in the Czech capital, Prague, after living most of her life in Damascus, and talks about her experience with violence.
Sabina had never before experienced any harm with any Syrian or Arab youth.Her first war with this type of relationship was when she was associated with a man ten years older than she, who is British, with Western characteristics and temperament in in general, on top of that. for that he had all the qualities of a violent person.

“I started to feel strange when he sometimes appeared to me in some places without an invitation, and suspiciously I found him once at night who was quietly waiting for me in the street of my house to come back from shopping, without informing me that he was there. . ”

When I asked her about any indications of his abusive personality since the beginning of the relationship, Sabina said: “Peter was impulsive and in love, and he offered to marry him from the first weeks of the relationship, I felt nothing strange at first, except that he was very interested in me and my daily details, But I began to feel strange when he sometimes appeared to me in some of the places I visited uninvited, and suspiciously, I met him got up once in the night and waited for me quietly in the street of my house to return from shopping, without informing me that he was there.

Peter built his relationship with Sabina on suspicion and eclipse.

The characteristics of his true inner personality began to appear, when he became suspicious of her and her behavior, and asked for evidence and proof of her whereabouts, so much so that he doubted her whether she was out of his sight and they were both in one place.

Sabina says: “I was subjected to questioning sessions with him in which he asked me to answer his questions quickly with a yes or no without thinking, and I had to give convincing answers to all his questions, and yet he did not have me did not believe. “This relationship seemed toxic, and Sabina was exposed to the deep psychological damage she was still treating after three years of this relationship, which lasted only four months.
Sabina believed during her that he was in love with her, and that his excessive attention and pressure on her was a double expression of love. And each time, after the violent quarrels, he returned to her and begged for forgiveness and remorse, but she noticed that he came back more violent each time than the previous time. Until he reached the situation to lure her with violence and physical fighting with her.

Sabina used methods to prevent her from being drawn back into the relationship, after all the psychological and physical pain it caused her, by photographing the bruises that left a mark on her body, so as not to make her decision to to end this relationship, but she always felt angry because she allowed such a person to He enters her life and manipulates her emotionally and psychologically and harms her in various ways.

There is no single explanation for what can lead a man or a woman to become violent. There is a set of psychological components and harmful experiences to which people are exposed and they are pressured to follow this path, and there is no justification. for those who do not choose. to be violent and deceptive in their intimate relationships or their relationships in society.

Although this phenomenon appears more visible in our Arab societies, due to society’s acceptance of this reality, and due to patriarchal and patriarchal laws that enforce their control over the management of society, and not especially women against all forms of harm protected, the case was equally frustrating in the Czech state.It is a European country that shares most human rights treaties with the European Union.

Sabina remembers a painful incident she had after a physical fight with Peter, when he decided to evict her from his house in the middle of the night, he threw all her belongings in front of the main building’s yard, and her prevented from entering. , and Sabina came out with her only dress that did not dry after washing, feeling insulted, asks the The neighbors called the police to record the incident and to prove the bruises that were visible on her body for days , in addition to the new bruises, and when the police arrived, they apologized that they could not interfere in this matter and they could only help her by taking her in their car to her house, the police spoke to Peter , who Filming Sabina cries and shouts before, he showed the police to the police: “Look, she’s crazy.”

Sabina thought he was in love with her, and that his extra attention and pressure on her was a double expression of love, but she noticed that he came back more violently each time than the previous time.

Sabina did not give up, but the next morning she went to a medical clinic to fix the bruises and record the incident, but the medical staff refused to intervene, to prevent responsibility, and someone told her to go to a state hospital at night immediately after the accident, and there the incident could be recorded. The police also took a neutral stance on the matter. Sabina decided that she would stand up against it alone and break the abusive relationship without hesitation.
Sabina withdrew completely, even after Peter pleaded for forgiveness and proposed to her again.

Nour (not her real name) talks about her first marriage experience in Syria.

Before you moved to Germany a few years ago. Nour was engaged in Damascus by her cousin when she was sixteen years old, at that time she was very happy and told me that at that time she felt the importance of her engagement and marriage as most of her friends in that time about to get married.

Her father had one condition before marriage that she had to complete her studies, which she did while she was engaged.

The young man was kind at first, overwhelmed her with gifts and tender feelings, but the first evidence of his violent personality appeared during the engagement party when Nour danced. He pushed her hard, and the next day he took her from her family. ‘s house to the photographer’s shop who took the photos of the engagement and asked her to erase the cut in which Nour’s shoulder appears, accusing her of being a child who did not understand and that she is “disrespectful”.
Nour was married shortly thereafter, and during her married life she was subjected to various types of verbal, psychological and physical violence, and because she traveled with her husband to one of the Gulf countries, he would take her cellphone and deprive her of her family contacted and locked her in her room for long periods of time.

On one of her visits to Damascus, she fell weeping into the arms of her family and asked to divorce her husband, but this was met with great family anger, and her father beat her and prevented her from asking for it again.

On one of her visits to Damascus, she fell weeping into the arms of her family and asked to divorce her husband, but this was met with great family anger, and her father beat her and prevented her from asking for it again.

Nour talks about her painful memory.After the birth of her first daughter, the violence intensified, and it became collective of him and his mother, “aunt” and his father.If the father was disturbed by any noise that Nour made while he was washing dishes, he was going to get angry and incite his son to hit her, and on one occasion the man trampled her head.Until blood came out of her ears and nose, and it all happened with the blessing of his parents.

He took the oath of divorce three times, which gave Nour her eternal freedom from him, even after he begged her and promised to change, she did not accept to return, but he later supervised her. deprived her daughter.
Today, Nour lives in Germany far from her daughter, and they are governed by great distances from corrupt laws, patriarchal authority, and close circles of insoluble violence.
Nour spends her life every day believing that her daughter will return to her bosom, even after some time.Time is nothing but a solid chain of deep communication between the hearts of the mother and her daughter, which eventually road will reach.
Nour and Sabina’s stories agree despite their radical differences.The source of violence is the same, and the different age stages for them confirm that we are all exposed to such relationships at different age stages, and the different cultures and countries of the two young people . men also confirm the same truth.

It is not fair to live in a prison as long as the doors of life are open to us

After researching and digging into a large number of relationships in which women and girls are subjected to violence, it was clear that the participation of Middle Eastern families in the violent act with the person concerned. Here we forget the young Syrian woman, Ayat al-Rifai, who was killed in cold blood by her husband and his family in the middle of the capital, Damascus, a few months ago.
While the stories of Noor and Sabina did not end tragically, the two managed to get rid of these stages in their lives with extraordinary courage, and the circumstances made it easier for them to save themselves, but Sabina did with me shared her sincere feelings that she had a strong feeling that this person could kill her, Or at least wish he would.

Most women are faced with the choice to stay in these relationships, for the sake of their children and for the sake of the family, and because they have no options to protect themselves from the violence perpetrated against them, though they sometimes realize that violence can sometimes lead to insanity, and other times to death! But the path to salvation is not paved. In violent relationships, the abuser tries to surround his victim little by little until he besieges her economically, socially and legally. It also suggests to her that she can not live alone and stand in the face of the consequences of her separation from him.
I do not call it all to make the task more difficult, but on the contrary, to say again that it is not fair to live in a prison as long as the doors of life are open to us, and that with patience and caution of reason and by looking for sources of support and social security circles around us, we can be set free, even a little Even a lot, even forever …

Leave a Comment