How do you know your partner has turned into an ’emotional vampire’ | Naira Al Nuaimi

Forms of toxic relationships

Although signs of physical abuse can be noticed, it is sometimes difficult to discern a toxic relationship that destroys one’s self-esteem and drains your energy.

Consequently, we review the most common forms of toxic behavior, knowing that these patterns may overlap:

mockery and insult: In this pattern, one party constantly underestimates the other, in other words, it considers what the other party is saying and expresses ideas and beliefs as just ridiculous and stupid.

The poisonous partner will not stop mocking you and embarrassing you in front of others, and despite your resentment and your constant demand to stop insulting you, he will continue his behavior and claim that he makes a joke, and can even accuse you of not having a sense of humor, and this toxic mate tries to simplify his control over you and he is always the owner Decisions, and if this behavior for a long time persists, you may feel distrustful and unable to make any decision without returning to it.

It is interesting to note that this type of toxic person constantly tells you that you are happy to have them in your life because no one else will accept you, and the purpose is to shake your confidence so that you do not rebellion does not come. their absolute control over the relationship.

Anger and irritability: A classic toxic partner behavior is “controlled by intimidation.”

A toxic person often has a fickle and unpredictable temperament, so that the other person in their relationship feels as if they are “walking over the eggshell”, so that they never know what can make them angry.

This constant need for vigilance, and the inability to know what will cause another’s outburst, can affect your emotional and physical health.

It is noteworthy that a toxic partner rarely points this nervous side to the outside world, as they are often seen as delicious and easy to fall in love with.

feel guilty: In this type of relationship, the person controls the other person’s decisions by causing feelings of guilt and lack of action. Guilty induction is designed to control your behavior until your toxic partner gets what they want from you.

Overreactions: When blamed, the toxic partner overreacts and sinks into anger or sadness and frustration. The other person finds that he is pacifying rather than discussing the main problem. Worse, he feels angry with himself and that he was “selfish” to the point that it upset his partner.

reliable partner: One of the toxic control methods is that one party depends on the relationship of the other party to make all decisions, but in return he will act aggressively if the decision taken is “wrong” from his point of view, or does not fit . him.

This type of toxic relationship creates a constant feeling of anxiety and tension due to the fear of making wrong decisions, in addition to the feeling of exhaustion due to the fact that one party has to make all the decisions.

Independent partner: A person can disguise his toxic controlling behavior by claiming that he is “a free and independent human being, who does not allow anyone to control his life”, who always withholds his responsibilities and his promises, and therefore this person may your control by keeping you uncertain about what he is going to do.

This type of relationship puts you in a permanent state of uncertainty and stability, due to your inability to predict the partner’s behavior, or the extent of his emotional commitment to you, which will greatly affect your mental, emotional and physical health. .

Gebruiker: FAt the beginning of the relationship the person may look nice and pleasant as long as he gets what he wants from the other party, so the relationship with him is one way so that one of the parties does all the time and effort but the toxic person quickly decides to end the relationship when he finds a new person who can do more for him.

possessive: Early in the relationship you may find that the partner’s jealousy is normal and acceptable and you listen to it as proof of love, but over time the toxic partner will start chasing you with his crazy jealousy, surrounding you with his doubts and questions, and work to isolate you from friends and some family members, all for the purpose of owning you.

What to do if you are in a toxic relationship?

There is no doubt that toxic relationships, in all their forms, can be mentally, emotionally and even physically destructive to one or both parties.

In an interview with Raseef22, psychologist Rana Al-Sayyah explained that “toxic relationships mean the connection between one person and another, which is similar in nature to the effect of poison that the body rejects or kills its owner.”

Al-Sayyah indicated that psychoanalysis seeks the question to which the person concerned does not get an answer, and explains that when talking about social relationships, there is an important question that always arises: What do the others want? of me have?

Rana confirmed that the toxic relationship is by nature a worrying relationship, in which one or both parties feel permanently uncomfortable, and that there is a disturbing “something” that can not be determined and depletes the energy of one of the parties, like making one’s. partner is constantly involved in it to the extent that the latter becomes physically and psychologically exhausted.

Consequently, Al-Sayyah has indicated that in toxic relationships there are plenty of problems and disputes, and there is no meeting point that makes it possible to build a healthy relationship that grows in a participatory way and ensures safety and tranquility for both parties.

It is noteworthy that people who control the partner or harm him / her, whether intentionally or unintentionally, there is often a specific reason behind their behavior, even if it is in their subconscious, from here I explained to Rana that the reasons leading one to engage in a toxic relationship can relate to the structure of the personality, its pattern and its personal relationship history, in other words, how one has developed relationship models, from the immediate environment, i.e. home, through school and friends, down to the work environment … When he was exposed to a toxic relationship in his childhood, he would probably repeat this toxic behavior with others later in life.

And on how to get out of these toxic relationships, Rana stressed that the issue requires effort and time, because the toxic behavior is the result of many accumulations dating back many years, from here she stressed the need to return after the childhood of the person concerned and stands on all the models he has gone through in his life and rebuilds His own boundaries and personal relationships that bring him happiness, with the help of a psychotherapist, because “To the past watching is painful and one has to have someone else see his pain and help him consciously rebuild real models, which offers him comfort in the relationship. ”

Rana Al-Sayyah confirmed that getting out of toxic relationships is not a “hopeless” thing, especially if a person is aware that something is wrong with his relationships: “There are many people involved in this type of relationship. “without realizing it, because they are the core of the relationship. They live events with pressure and anxiety, and they can not determine the nature of the relationship.”

In short, recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship is a necessary and essential step, whether you decide to leave the relationship and get rid of it or it is difficult and you can not get rid of it, but to just be aware being of its presence will help you deal with it and not drain your energy.

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