Marital relationships .. Why does harmony disappear and stagnation prevails over time?

Amman- I am visited by many women and men who complain about the lack of harmony in their relationship after a few years of marriage, and they describe how their partners have changed from considerate and worried about their feelings and needs to indifferent, even selfish people at times.
These men tell me about the beginning of their relationship and the nature of their mates at that time. Their husbands were polite and polite to them and spoke tactfully and used phrases such as “thank you” and “please” when they talk. them, and elegance and decoration were always present during meetings and appointments. Between them, the conversations were interesting and enjoyable and almost never ended between them!
However, this is no longer the case; Their husbands now spend most of their time in front of the screens of their smartphones and computers, only dressing and grooming only when they leave home, and rarely consulting them when a new decision is made in their lives, and kind words and flirtations has dried up too, replaced by harsh criticism when things do not go according to their expectations!
When peers think back to those days gone by, they feel a mixture of feelings of sadness and disappointment, and feelings of a lack of a sense of closeness that gradually fades as the relationship ages. With him today is not the same person in whom they fell. love with and as their partner chosen, but they even started wondering if they made a mistake to marry him, or their love simply ended.
What is changing?
In the beginning of any romantic relationship, love is fresh and alive; Men are excited and eager to spend every moment with their husbands, eager to know every detail about each other and treat each other with the utmost love and concern Why? Because they want to impress the other party!
Over time, the feelings of infatuation and passion naturally begin to wane, and are replaced by more mature feelings of long-term love. Attempts to impress the other party are also receding, which is a natural and acceptable thing if the changes that take place are acceptable and not radical.
The problems of emotional relationships begin to appear when one or both partners cease to show interest and love for the other party, and when one or both of them cease to be kind and gentle with the other party, making him feel that he is at a friend lives with him or with a roommate. It should be noted here that there is a big difference between being comfortable with the partner, and underestimating.
Tips for maintaining intimacy and a healthy bond
Express gratitude and appreciation for the simple things.
Not to consider that everything the partner offers you or the family is his duty in this marriage.
The realization of the fact that we all rejoice and thrive with appreciation, and that appreciation motivates us to keep giving.
To treat the partner and partner most of the time gently and politely.
To help get something done. And open the door for her or him.
Ask her or him how they are doing and if they need anything.
Listen to the partner or partner and respect their views. and hear what you say or what he says.
Not to underestimate her or his fears, and not to respond with insulting and nervousness to these fears.
To accommodate and understand the partner’s point of view does not necessarily mean to agree with it, but rather to simply respect enough to listen to their views, and this is a general etiquette and decency rules that must be shown to anyone .
Have deep and rich conversations.
Conversations should not be limited to the routine and daily affairs of ordinary life; Like work or children, it must go further to be deeper and richer.
Set aside time regularly for partners to sit on their own, and use that time to discuss essentials, such as hopes and aspirations, or to share things that have happened in the past.
Pay attention to body language, and maintain eye contact when speaking to the partner, as it involves respect and attention, and not to use body language or sarcastic tone of voice.
Do not criticize the partner or partner or diminish their respect for others.
Avoid raising or discussing marital problems in front of others, as it is an insult to the partner or spouse, and because it causes him or her to feel resentment and shame instead of feeling remorse and regret over what he or she has did.
To express concerns and concerns privately, openly and clearly, and to cultivate a culture of love, admiration and passion for the relationship.
Instead of looking for and blaming a partner’s gifts, the brain can be trained to look for characteristics and share them as compliments. Later, you can share or share your annoyance about something you do or want to make a change.
Positive interactions outweigh their negative counterparts in a 1: 5 ratio in a healthy ratio, which means that the partner has to perform five positive interactions to equalize the effect of one negative interaction.
Set a weekly or semi-weekly date to spend time with both partners.
It is best to designate one day each week for both partners to do their own activity as a married couple, such as going out for dinner or watching a movie together.
By setting a weekly or semi-weekly date and sticking to spending their time, they show that they care about and respect each other and that their relationship is a priority.
Maryam Hakim
Marriage Counselor
Family Fragrances Magazine

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