Separation .. How to be “elegant” and conscious, away from the mentality of revenge?

Rasha Kanakriya
Amman – Next to a small travel bag parked in the corridors of a court, with so many memories of a divorced family; A little girl with innocent eyes stands with a doll in her arms, waiting sadly for the judge’s decision for whom she will win supervision to live her full life with him.
She does not know why she is standing here, and why she always has to listen to differences and problems that she can not understand or understand well at her young age, she knows only one thing, that this person who is right of her stands her father, whom she loves very much, and on the other side stands her mother who sees all life.
Nothing she hears except reproaches here and there, and negative words slander about the two most precious parties in her life, each of them means a lot to her, but in an instant she realizes that her life will not return as it was . , and she must live in a place that will never bring her father and mother together!
Perhaps this is one of the painful situations that people are used to seeing within the corridors of the courts, as there are hundreds and perhaps thousands of cruel and tiring divorce cases, and those that are not without painful situations are cases where the revenge of one of the parties is present. Separation between spouses can be difficult for many spouses, as if they are waging war against those who have been bond and love for years, violating everything, and the victims remain children who carry great pain on their little hearts in them.
According to experts, there are cases of disturbing separation characterized by many disputes that distort the image of the other, and there are those who make the decision to divorce in an elegant, peaceful and friendly way that respects the other. What is important in cases of separation is to remain friendly and civilized, respect the other party and take care of children to preserve and consider their mental health.
Educational and psychological counseling specialist, Dr. Salma Al-Bayrouti, who specializes in marital relationships, shows that the decision to divorce is not easy, and usually one of the partners suffers more than the other and there are many reasons, but the result is the same, which should be a dead end. reach.
It shows how important it is to realize that divorce is not always a bad thing, it takes courage, but the most important thing is that the spouses do not achieve it until all the doors are closed and there are no more opportunities. She points out that most of the differences are caused by the loss of emotional and intellectual contact, and that the one is unable to tolerate the other due to the accumulation of negative feelings, frustration, disappointment, emotional wound and pain of the partner, according to Al-Bayrouti.
Al-Bayrouti confirms that divorce is difficult, but there is always hope in the end that this divorce will not be a bad experience or full of revenge, indicating that it is necessary for the spouses to have a far vision for the coming to have days, especially if there are children because the partner will always be part of the other’s life and will bring them together Special occasions for children in cases of graduation, illness or marriage.
She notes that the post-divorce stage continues and life does not stop, and each party returns to set goals for his life, therefore it is important that the separation be friendly and civilized.
And she advises Al-Bayrouti, in case of the difficulty of the divorce happening to the other, to go to a specialist he trusts to speak and bring out what is in him, and the negative emotional charges which is stored in his heart to empty. to be freed from feelings of anger and bitterness.
Al-Bayrouti stresses the importance of neither couple having any other relationship before giving themselves enough time to understand what happened to him and to accept and share these feelings and experiences he went through. see without any sadness or pain, stress. the importance of caring for the mental health of children.
In addition, maintaining the partner’s respect and dignity, and that there should be tact and respect in behavior so that the separation is peaceful.
The news sites buzzed with the announcement by Syrian artist Sulaf Fawakherji of her divorce from her husband, artist and director Wael Ramadan, which brought them together for 23 years as she showed everyone that love does not always end in divorce not. , as she said; “Beginnings are morals, and endings are morals, and you were a beginning, and you have no end in my heart, mind, life and sentimental life, and if we move away, we can not be separated, even if we are divorced.” Where she also wrote words of love, loyalty, respect and affection for every moment they lived together, for the days they shared, and for memories that will remain immortal.
From the psychological side, Dr. Ali Al-Ghaz that there are unfortunate cases of disturbing separation between spouses, interrupted by turning to the court to resolve problems and disputes, and can cause harm, indicating that the smooth or peaceful separation between spouses has positive fruits in the long run term on the psychological level, where there is satisfaction, even if it is Partial and its greatest impact is on children.
The invasion continues that the children most affected by the hard separation are children, as one party is a victim and incites the children towards the other party, and this may in the future the way the child with his father or mother deals and feels at one stage of loss and indifference.
While it is in the peaceful separation that is consensual, instead of seeing the children through the courts, it takes place through agreement in a friendly relationship of the spouses, indicating that the invasion that understanding and respect is better without court cases .
The invasion shows that achieving a peaceful separation between spouses requires a calm consultation session based on dialogue and respect, and an agreement to give themselves time to think. If divorce is the best solution and option, they start to correct mechanism to determine away from the influence of others around them.
This decision must be made according to a mechanism that must be determined, the most important of which is the fate of the children, how to deal with them and discuss financial matters.
The invasion notes that the reasons for divorce are usually summarized in the absence of one of the parties’ awareness of the responsibility of marriage, especially the youth group, who often do not understand the responsibilities and dependencies of married life, so surprised by reality. Also the inability to handle situations properly and the lack of psychological awareness of the consequences of married life, leading to divorce cases.
The invasion adds that the other reason aggravating the separation is the absence of the family role through fair arbitration and correct guidance, and the influence of one party or weighing one’s hand over another, which causes injustice.
The raid shows that some men unfortunately turn to distort the image of others, blame him and hold him fully responsible. This is how he justifies himself and may make excuses and justifications that may not exist so that he does not the responsibility for the divorce.
And the invasion concludes by saying that the psychological impact that the spouses go through is great just to recall the beautiful memories they went through. However, the greater the psychological impact is on spouses who have children, so the size of the responsibilities becomes greater , which causes insomnia and physical and health fatigue. Also, blaming people puts both parties in a difficult psychological state.
According to the 2020 annual statistics report issued by the Department of General Statistics, 34.2 percent of divorce cases among men were between 30-40 years old (5871 men), while the highest divorce rate for women in the age group was 21-25 years . (29.7% with a number of 5,103 women).
The cumulative divorce cases (excluding judicial divorce) registered in Sharia courts in Jordan in 2020 amounted to 17,144 divorce cases, a decrease of 10.9% compared to 2019 (19,241 divorce cases).
And the total number of divorce cases from a marriage of the same year (67389 marriages) reached 3 400 divorce cases, called early divorce (divorce from a marriage that did not last more than one year) and 19.8% of the total make up. divorce cases for the year 2020.

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