Why does a man leave the woman he loves and leave him alone? | Science and Technology | The latest discoveries and studies of DW Arabic | DW

The failure of the relationship, and the separation of the partner, is painful, but who is the greatest sin? The divorce rate in Germany is more than 40%, and while women are demanding a higher rate, men, who divorce without warning, do not complain when they are not satisfied. They suffer silently, and then go for good, as the German website for Business Insider reported.

U.S. researchers have followed hundreds of couples over the years to discover the most common cause of divorce. And the team around psychiatrist John Gottman has come to a surprisingly clear conclusion, making it possible to understand why most relationships fail, and to sum it up in one word, which is neglect.

Gottman invited the newlyweds to a laboratory set up as a small boarding house. There he observed the behavior of the couple for a day. And notice that they communicate with each other completely differently.

In almost all couples, there were moments when one partner made an offer to talk to him. It was not necessarily about big, important issues, it was mostly small issues, for example, a partner might say, “I talked to my sister today.”

There are now two ways for the other partner to respond, for example to pay attention and ask about her news, to ignore the sentence as if he did not hear it, or even to bring up a completely different topic, or to say, “Let me watch TV in peace.”

Years later, Gottmann called the couple again. Some still enjoy happy relationships, while others are divorced. Couples who failed to communicate with each other broke up and reacted poorly to their partner.

Of course, this destructive behavior is present in both women and men. But while women often try to resolve conflict, men accept that they are being ignored. It gathers and grows in it, and erases all feelings of love, until patience is over and separation seems to be the only way. And when men talk about their dissatisfaction, it’s often too late.

A study conducted by the University of Copenhagen showed that the mortality rate of men who have an annoying partner is much higher than the same rate for women who have an annoying partner. According to the researchers, this is due to the stress hormone, cortisol, which is secreted more strongly in men and affects the heart and blood circulation.

different rules of the game

According to the German magazine Freunden, which also dealt with this study, the problem is that men have different rules of the game for separation. And very few women know these rules of the game. Women think men are tolerant. And if they do not fall in love with another woman, the separation is far, unfortunately this is not true. Men often say goodbye to their relationships faster than women. Without words, men prefer to remain silent about it when their love fades, according to a survey by ElitePartner. If the man is unhappy, he may find a justification for staying away from home and his partner, by being busy with work, or sitting in front of the TV for a long time, which may be the first signs that the partner needs to spot the matter. and solve.

Ignoring is the beginning, and criticism will follow. This constant criticism will often lead to the destruction of the marital relationship, which can eventually lead to divorce. The solution may be to return to the first place, give the lost attention to the partner, and work to correct what was missed, before the unfortunate consequences occur.

Alaa Jumaa / kh.s

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