Albilad – Maha Al-Awawda – Ahmed Al-Ahmadi
When a person reaches the stage of youth, he turns his eyes to the golden nest, and leaves celibacy, in search of a new life in which love and stability prevail. From this emerges a new pattern of relationships that the man and woman include. the mother-in-law, and the daughter-in-law, “the daughter-in-law.” They create problems in the family to interfere in the lives of their children, especially mothers who play the role of mother-in-law. right professionally, and the result of it all is a relationship full of tension. The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law differs from family to family, some are hot and others are fraught with problems and resentment.
Experts in human and social relationships, psychology, and family and marriage counselors point out that there are issues between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law that are not disclosed by both. These issues are often the source of many problems, and can lead to the destruction of the pink nest and the separation of the spouses.
Dr. Rasmiya Al-Ghamdi, consultant for strategic education and family planning, confirmed that some marital problems are not only related to the spouses but also related to the husband of the husband and some of the problems she creates; Because of her jealousy of her daughter-in-law, or her jealousy of her son, because with the woman’s arrival she lost some of the feelings of love she received from her son, because many men after marriage put their wives above their mothers who gave birth to them, in addition to the fact that the boy’s interest in his mother diminishes after marriage; Because of the burdens of life and his worries with the wife and children, and it bothers all mothers – even if they do not show it – in addition to the fact that the son’s praise of his wife long before his mother the fire of jealousy in her heart. Including trying to understand the feelings of the mother-in-law as a mother.
To help the man justify his mother and give her lots of feelings that overflow with love and appreciation, to sit with her and listen to her well, especially when she talks about her life and the memories she preserves, and some of her experiences, as it increases the bond between them, and does not make the husband’s mother a party in the disputes between the spouses, and be careful to strengthen the friendly bonds between her and her son.
Laila Al-Qahtani, supervisor of programs and activities at the social protection unit in Abha, said: The mother-in-law (the husband’s mother) is a woman who carries all the different feelings of women, and when jealousy prevails over the rest of her feelings, it may have a reason, because in her youth she suffered from a lack of interest in her As a woman she deserves to be pampered, considered and cared for. Here (the daughter-in-law) is eager for the feelings of her mother-in-law, not to exaggerate the extent of her husband’s interest in her before her, and to take into account that they are not of the same generation, and that each generation through the years has its tools and framework moving in the scope of every human being, and assumes that we are in this time in which it has prevailed The language of science and technology and the preoccupation with building development, scientific and voluntary projects.
And she continued: “Suppose there is a personality (Hama) in his old sense, here is the role of the conscious daughter-in-law to enter a mediator who makes her husband’s mother a creative energy that in any free field work, not necessarily within a state institution that invests her creativity and her stored energy in her and integrates her and her husband into the available development projects.For every person in this great country, because obsession with work distracts from the attention, explore, blame and blame that comes from the mother of the woman to the wives of her children; Where there are many areas in which a woman works, regardless of her age, according to her tendencies and hobbies, and she invests her energy in creativity to feel her presence as a useful and creative member. ” Emphasize that the creators do not complain and do not create social or psychological clashes.
Regarding the role of the boy, she said: He does not necessarily have to deal with determining the line of intercourse between his wife and his mother; He just needs to help both sides get busy with work. It is work alone that bridges the gaps of discord and makes everyone part-time for trouble, as opposed to the vacuum that makes every human being a bomb ready to explode in the face of family formation.
Sheikh Ahmed Hammouda, the Family Counselor and Religious Guide at the National Guard, said: “God has formed man on a set of tendencies, tendencies and desires, and they are universal for all creation. Glory to Him, He has in His Noble Book: “We led him to the road, whether he is grateful or unbelieving.” He also said, “And we led him to the Two Helpers.” One of the meanings of this verse is that God led man to good as He gave him insight into evil, and He gave him absolute choice according to God’s choice and will.
Emphasize that mothers-in-law are not immune to this rule as they are human and they are exalted above people’s jealousy and love for their sons and daughters. , and have good thoughts, and sometimes be patient with abuse; Because it contains the good, and does not contain the bad. The Almighty said, “Pay with the best.” This is a general rule in dealing with these issues and issues related to social jealousy. Whether it is mothers-in-law or wives on the one hand.
Dr. Sahar Ali Al-Gohari, associate professor of criminal sociology and consultant in family reform at King Abdulaziz University, says: Dealing with the man’s jealous mother, who is primarily a mother, loves her son and worries about him, and would like to reassure him. The woman must take this into account, and be eager to treat her as a mother who has all the rights, and can interfere in some matters; To ensure the happiness and comfort of her son, or to see the most suitable way to handle the matter in a positive way, and the need for the wife to prepare in advance for all that can be issued and treated by her husband’s mother can be. she like her mother. It does not mean to be perfect, just as much as to avoid any collision with it; Whether through words or through behavior, life circulates and the woman will one day succeed in this role.
She believes it is wise to follow the following to spread the atmosphere of friendship and initial acceptance, which can turn into familiarity and understanding between the woman and her husband’s mother. She must be careful to avoid any rapprochement between her and her husband in front of his mother; So that it does not provoke her jealousy, and that she comes to an understanding with her husband to avoid talking completely about her as a woman, either through praise or otherwise in front of his mother, while the attention of the man “who is the son ”on his mother while she is with them to a large extent; To feel that she is the sovereign, as well as the wife’s refuge to her husband’s mother and her advice in any matter concerning the husband, regarding to food, cooking and everything that would make him happy, taking into account his mother’s knowledge that she has the knowledge and experience and she is so, and that the wife has no experience, and from her husband’s mother you learn.
She pointed out that it is all in the interest of the new family’s harmony with his first family and his parents, and to bring about stability and family harmony at all levels.
Dr. Abdul-Manan Maamour Bar, professor of psychological counseling at the Center for Family and Psychological Studies at Umm Al-Qura University, explained that jealousy is a psychological concept by nature of the human psyche. The boy and this boy may have a particular interest in her, care and status. Undoubtedly, the entry of another party into her son, like his wife, is considered a threat to her as a mother, as she does everything in her power so that her son does not escape. of her; Thus begins jealousy and direct interventions.
Dr. Abdul-Mannan adds: Sometimes I see that this jealousy can be some of their dangerous negative feelings according to the personality of each mother-in-law Jealousy has negative and positive interventions can be negative, direct or indirect hints; First, the wife should not make hasty, accidental statements that are negative for the mother-in-law, and she should set boundaries for the husband and his mother, and this may also be insufficient to solve the problem; It may get more complicated, but the woman must first know the personality patterns of her mother-in-law and her key, and here she knows how to handle her, and give the mother-in-law great interest in asking about her, who offers her gifts and consult her, attend her events and invite her first to these events and not marginalize her, and encourage her husband to visit his parents, and earnestly, and not to allow her husband to interfere in what is between her and her mother-in-law.
Ahmed Al-Hazmi, a social worker, says: Jealousy exists within every human being, and it is a nature within him, and the mother is part of this life, since she was born, raised and toiled for her son , and does not want her son to share his love with anyone else; Therefore, when the son marries, she thinks that the son will leave her and only be with his wife, and here problems arise between her and her daughter-in-law, and the conflict begins, and the son is confused between them, and the solution to this problem is that the woman approaches her mother-in-law and treats her as she treats her mother.
Dr. Rajab bin Abdul Hakim Brisali, a psychiatrist at Hira General Hospital in Mecca, says: To know the reasons why the woman’s mother is jealous of her daughter-in-law, we need to understand the mother’s psychology, which is based on the love of possession and complete control over her son, in addition to the fear and dread of losing interest by her son, which she carried in her womb for nine months, in addition to the difficulty and hardship of education; Until he became a man .. All these psychological factors weigh on the shoulders of the mother and eventually lead to jealousy.
It is noteworthy that the instinct which the mother has built, which is the instinct of love for possession, and does not accept the participation of another woman, is not in all cases a bad thing; A smart mother can rectify this and prevent jealousy from appearing on the surface by giving the woman the love and appreciation she deserves.
There are other factors that can create resentment and jealousy in the mother’s breast, such as the beauty of the woman and her high educational and social level; Therefore, the husband (son) must have a deep understanding of his mother’s psychology, and he must act calmly, wisely and wisely to contain his mother emotionally, by giving her more attention and psychological support.