Being interested in and caring for your husband is normal and is expected in a healthy and happy relationship, but love and respect end as soon as you move beyond the role of wife and lover to the sometimes caring mother, and sometimes dominant at other times. my life. “
How do you know you are your husband’s mother?
You undoubtedly love your husband, and you mean good to him by helping him, but some do not prefer to treat him like a child in an adult relationship, and some behaviors that bear fruit in our children around their lives to improve should never be applied. men without their permission, and there are some signs you may know with which you have exceeded the limits of your role.
The signs may differ according to the relationship and its requirements, some behaviors are clearer or worse than others, but all confirm the same thing, namely that you do not treat your husband as a mature and healthy person who is able to make his own decisions not, like overprotecting him, and that you think one of your roles is to correct his behavior so that you meet His needs before he tries to meet them, you fake a mother’s tone of voice when you talking to him, reminding him of his responsibilities to accept he will forget them, you always make him feel like he’s being blamed when he does something wrong, and you keep an eye on his steps inside and outside the house.
This can happen when he wakes up in the morning to catch up on his work, or to choose the clothes he needs to wear, or to collect his belongings such as glasses, keys and money in one place, or to get the food he needs eat to place. his plate, which encourages him to eat vegetables, and even reminds him of his illness and the need not to eat too much. Eat that food or drink, and even track him down to see if he’s taking his medication or not, and you might be curious to keep track of his expenses if he wants to buy something of his own.
How does it harm your relationship?
This behavior will not only destroy your intimate life, but the strict rules absorb feelings of romance and respect in marital relationships when one of the parties feels they have to manage the other’s life. He spoils everything if he tries to help, which leads to him to stop doing anything for fear of getting angry and placing most of the responsibilities on you.
On the other hand, it is stressful to constantly criticize your husband or worry about him and observe his behavior, and you will lose your respect for him over time, and you will feel humiliated by being the one who complains on all occasions. , and what’s worse. is that in spite of the unlimited giving (giving of mothers) that you give in your relationship, you will not just neutralize resentment and loss of attraction towards you by your husband.
Some women imagine that the more she meets all the needs of her husband, the more he will become dependent on her and will not be able to leave her, and this may be true, but as a mother and not a wife, can a man be content with that excessive attention at first, but like a child growing up will no longer need his mother, and will resort to Rebellion or Separation to regain his self-esteem as long as he feels incompetent and unreliable is in your presence, and he will feel his need for a girl, just as you will feel your need for a man and not a child.
raising your husband
There are a few steps you can take to ease the damaging burden of motherhood off your shoulders and restore confidence in your husband’s abilities:
- If your husband is very dependent on you and you want him to understand how frustrated you are with his dependence, you should clearly communicate with him, avoid shouting and talking emotionally, and stop playing the role of sacrifice, and just tell him your feelings. about this amount of pressure, using clear words he can understand so he sees things from your opinion.
- Do not criticize or correct what your husband is doing just because he did not complete a task as you wanted, and practice taking it easy. It may be difficult at first, but when something bothers you, you ask yourself “Is it really worth it to get into an argument or give a lecture on My husband?”, Or “Which is better: To correct me prove or have a quiet night? “, and be assured that letting the little things go will restore peace in your relationship.
- Stop doing the things he has to do for himself. If he asks you if you know where his keys are, say “I do not know”, and let him find it for himself. Do not present his clothes to him without asking you what you think. Do not go against his urge for an unhealthy meal at night. It means to stop loving, caring and supporting him, but to stop being his mother.
- Define the responsibilities of each person in the home, and hang up the paper for the reminder, and do not accept responsibility, even when your husband makes a mistake, or blames yourself for trusting him, letting him make mistakes and the consequences of forgetting or making the wrong decision to deal with it in his own way.
- Set healthy boundaries in your relationship with your husband that will help re-establish the principle of respect in your relationship. The first is that you treat him as a competent, reliable and responsible person. Do not remind him of the information he needs to remember, and remember that he is a qualified adult who can perform his duties, and make sure that after a while he will learn how to better keep up with his own schedule without yelling or yelling at you.
- Show him your gratitude for what he does and praise him a lot, especially in front of others. A man strives to give more and continually improve himself as he receives thanks for what he does and feels how important it is what he offers and his skill in it, even if he does not execute it perfectly, your encouragement will push him to impress you next time.
- Make a list of all the ways you were a mom in your relationship. The first step to changing your behavior is to realize it. Then talk to your husband about your penchant for being a mom, and agree to remind each other when one of you starts falling into this trap again.
- Remember that motherhood is stressful and unnecessary unless those feelings are directed at a real child, and try for a while to be a mother to yourself and take care of her and her emotional needs of love and attention.