Samaher Seif El Yazal
“Excessive parenting” is an abnormal behavior and a shaky psyche
Excessive fear and anxiety do not yield positive results
Psychologists have confirmed that actions out of love; It is not always healthy and beneficial for the child, especially if it comes from parents.
They pointed out that pursuit, supervision and control fall under the category of those acts that are often believed to be motivated by the love of the acting person and the fear of harm he may suffer if he is absent in the eyes of those who love him in a moment, which is called “helicopter parenting” or “education.” Helicopter, “explains that this analogy is not exaggerated. Psychology has established this description of parents who do not give their children any space to act or breathe freely, and they turn into a constant annoyance to this child, which over time has a negative impact on the children’s personality and psyche.
And they have indicated that, according to psychology, it is best for your child’s psychological and physical health to make him aware of the consequences of his actions, and that you realize that you personally do not have the ability to handle all of your child’s actions. does not control. , but you can only control your reaction to their actions, ask for “knowledge of the citizen The strength of their character and help them refine it, allow them to make mistakes and watch them from afar try to correct it and it will be good not only for your child but also for you; you will find yourself calmer and happier. ”
Collaborative Psychology Lecturer at the College of Health and Sports Sciences at the University of Bahrain, Dr. Suhana Mitra, said that fathers in all spheres of the world are similar in their concerns and fears for their children, which has become the core of parenting. Despite this, there are some parents who consciously decide to keep their concerns separate and allow the child to be the decision maker and take the role of facilitating and organizing the child’s needs as a “helping and supporting role”. “.
On the other hand, some parents may take a different course in education and play a primary role because they believe that the child needs continuous guidance at every step and they do not have confidence in the child’s ability to make the decision-making process. . This type of educational view is one of the components of helicopter education, where parents monitor the child excessively and reach the stage of fatherhood or motherhood that stifles the development and growth of the child.
She added, the difference between the two types is shown by the following two examples:
First example: “A guardian does not allow his 9-year-old son to take the bus to school alone and is very worried and afraid for the child’s safety and to be able to perform this task alone without the intervention of the guardian, and he constantly harasses the school to ensure that his child is cared for, He rushes to school to hand out things like lunches or forgotten messages.This group of parents believes that their child deserves a reward, regardless of the effort. “Helicopter parenting system . Example two: “A parent allows their 10-year-old daughter to make her own decision about choosing the clothes she wants to buy, organizes her friends’ meetings and allows her to resolve conflict situations with her peers at school alone handle and solve. first instead of intervening quickly to resolve the situation as a parent, and they also have a firm belief in the right to reward where the child should be rewarded when he shows independent behavior in the planning of a task or position.
And she added: “We must start by saying that there is no harm or hindrance to adopting the helicopter system for education in the early stages of childhood (1-8 years) when appropriate from a developmental point of view, as it is preferable to provide support to the child until he understands the environment and adapts well to it, but it becomes very important, especially as the child gets older, that parents gradually withdraw their decision-making power and place it in the child’s hands. . ”
He stressed that making this decision and implementing it in the system of raising your children does not mean “you do not exist” for the child or that you neglect him, but rather means “to allow the child to believe in oneself “while taking the role of guidance and support, as taking this role will develop your child’s creative thinking and improve his confidence in his decisions and his social connections and a sense of intellectual and emotional compatibility develop in them and develop healthy independence, if your adoption of the educational helicopter system and your failure to take on the role of mentor and supporter – especially at the appropriate age for the emerging child – puts your child at risk of many negative effects such as impairment or lack of self-esteem, and the inability to understand the role of leadership and low efficiency in dealing with risks and concerns.
In turn, the psychoanalyst and lecturer at the College of Health and Sport Sciences – University of Bahrain Fatima Ali said that it is up to the parents to determine what type of education they apply, but it should be noted that there is a big difference between educational control and management and between guidance and support, and therefore, while you are a guardian. A nurturing and caring parent is the baseline of helicopter parenting, you need to make a conscious choice to prevent an overly caring parent from hindering your child’s overall development.
And regarding the change to make parenting guides instead of controlling parents, Ali explained that by making a conscious decision to change, it is possible to apply and extend your child’s authority to make decisions take, and this system can be applied through dialogue with your child and to take his opinion on the simplest matters, and play for him an effective role in its implementation, and give him an opportunity For your child to verbally participate and express his feelings during and after decision-making Do not belittle or ridicule the child’s opinion, even if you find it incomplete and wrong. Help him to focus and expand, start with simple things like food, drink, clothing or even finding destinations for a walk Encourage your child to make plans for the events you are preparing for and ask for their opinions.When your child makes a mistake, do not evaluate it, but talk to him and direct him to what is right. ”Speak up a simple way with him about the best ways to correct what has been done or to avoid it in the future. ”