8 demands on mothers to prevent children from worrying … and 4 important precautions
A message to every couple: Take a break from problems … or postpone it until after exams
Every year these days dawn on us, which brings with it a new atmosphere called (exam distress), and it can bring tension, unrest, psychological pressure and family crises. Dr. Al-Arabi Atallah Qwaidari, a consultant for psychological and family counseling, stressed the importance of reducing anxiety among family members during the test period, emphasizing that some families declare an “emergency” and that it reflects negatively on them.
In an interview with Al-Arab, he explained that both fathers and mothers have duties that must be fulfilled at the time of the tests, that reduce the anxiety that can fall on the children and affect them negatively and that they work to consolidate the belief that the real responsibility lies with the children by implanting dependence on themselves.
He stressed how important it is for parents to make it clear to their children that their favorite is their children, and not certificates or degrees, so that the children do not hate to study in dispute with the parents, and so that the children do not fear or frustration does not spread. .
How can the family handle the “phantom of exams” every year?
At the beginning we have to ask, what does the family of his children want, do you just want academic excellence? Or do you want them to excel in faith and education? Is the family’s mission to impart and establish educational values ?, and here we want to make it clear that studies have shown that the family values passed on to children are morals and religiosity because they need role models, closeness, vision and living together , and only the family achieves it, and the parents’ task in it is basic, motivating, strong and natural.
Educational scholars have agreed that the best treatment on exam days is a set of marks, namely:
1 – To seek the help of God and turn to Him, in His hand alone is success and success.
2- Calculate the effort of the parents for God Almighty without looking at the results.
3- Studying is a means, not an end.
4- Make the effort to study and then be content with the decision of God Almighty.
5- Distinguishing a Muslim today is a duty, but not in one direction or field.
6- Islam insists on science, civilization and self-responsibility.
The secret of great concern
Why do we notice the great concern of families during the test period?
Parents worry and say: We failed? Why do parents fail? I see that the reason for this failure is two things: First: the lack of definition and clarity of the goal, which means that parents focus on degrees and academic excellence regardless of the focus on work, study and effort, instead of focusing on the to focus on boy’s personality. and development, so that together they lose degrees and personality.
The second: the wrong method with children to adopt comparisons, to focus on high grades – and the difference in talents, and to turn a blind eye to individual differences and diversity of abilities. Different opinions can reach desolation between spouses, and exam days turn into days of grievance at home, eliminating the required atmosphere of safety for our children. There is no solution except by balancing and moderation between the spouses, and taking time off from problems or postpone it until after the exam.
To achieve these results, the spouses must establish the conviction that the real responsibility rests with the children by planting independently, and that the preference for them is their children, not the certificate or the grades, so that the children do not study hate in dispute with the parents, and so that the children do not spread fear or frustration, and all This is of our own making.
The role of the family here is in balance and encouragement to study, prepare for exams, and at the same time practice a normal life, sleeping, eating, talking, entertaining and resting without “emergency” at home. It is lasting, continuous. a permanent.
What about the father’s role in exam days?
Studies were conducted on the mother when she was raising alone, in the absence of the father, and found a reflection on the personality of the children, represented in three dangerous traits that are a disaster for the family and society together:
First: the predominance of childish behavior up to and including adolescence, and this is what makes children on exam days tend to play like children.
Second: The tendency of children to be dependent on others and this is the first enemy in the days of exams because the real confrontation is in their dependence on themselves.
Third: Some mothers borrow, in the absence of the father, some authoritarian traits, to restrain and deter the children, which reduce the traits of motherhood that they need most, especially during exam days, This unnatural traits such as emotion, anger, shouting, extremism, violence and cruelty are passed on to the children. It is the secret of the negativity of some children to participate and contribute within the large family (society) Success in practice within the small family makes a person participate in the same participation in society.
What is the role of the mother in creating a suitable atmosphere for the exam?
The role of the mother is summarized in several steps:
1- The normal relationship between the spouses, and any disagreement between them should be postponed until after the exam, and they regard these days as “leave”.
2- Leisure is very important with an organized study schedule, such as television and the internet, going out or reading a magazine or newspaper.
3- Natural drinks such as: juice that activates the mind, and stays away from stimulants such as: tea and coffee.
4- To prepare the place for calm and enlightenment, and to stay away from everything that distracts him from thinking and studying.
5- Organizing bedtimes helps to focus on actively and powerfully reviewing and studying.
6- A psychological state that is far from stress, with love, passion and appreciation.
7- Creating self-confidence and that they can pass exams safely and excel.
8- The mother’s permanent closeness The children feel safe and the meaning of the mother’s closeness: care, care and appreciation with love, encouragement and attention.
Are there any warnings that mothers need to heed?
Mothers are required to warn four:
1- Avoid announcing a state of emergency.
2- Not to make comparisons between the boy and others.
3- Avoid blame and admonition.
4- Avoid using excessive force.
They are also asked to do four:
1- Focus on the children being independent during exams.
2- Brings in the spirit of beautiful competition, because children see it as an accusation of negligence.
3- Remind them of their abilities and talents to instill confidence.
4- Show love, appreciation and encouragement.
Most families declare a state of emergency at home in preparation for the tests. What are the results of this behavior?
Using the state of emergency at home during the exam period is a wrong method and asks for confusion and confusion in the children.Often the children enter the conflict of the parents, and the case asks that they should study and prepare for exams. The state of emergency is:
Cut off visits.
Do not go out with friends.
The best solution is balance and moderation so that children do not get scared and frustrated, and encouragement to study and prepare for exams, and to lead a normal life in sleep, food, entertainment and rest without emergencies.
The road to excellence
How do we lead our children to excellence?
We guide the children to perform by following them: paying attention to appointments, paying attention to duties, reducing emergencies as much as possible, visiting school is necessary, and not for stress at home, and my message to parents, I make you a great ambition in your child, what a beautiful word that Mrs. Amna, the mother of the prophet, prayed May God bless him and give him peace.
10 tips for families .. a recipe for kids
On how to make children independent, explains dr. Ataullah Qwaidari:
What is meant here by boys and female students, and what applies to boys, applies to girls, there is no difference in it, and we instill in them their independence in various ways, namely:
First: By following a system from the beginning of the school year, which we will remind you of for the next year, as God wills.
Second: a sense of responsibility: from the nursery, and we do not say: they are still young, and we do not do work for them (such as arranging, organizing, eating, playing and having fun), which makes them win the value of rush to work and rely on themselves, and thus this is reflected in their performance of duties, or their revision of material.
Third: The love of study: first by removing the obstacles and then by encouraging, because: What is the benefit of encouragement, and there are still obstacles that face it, such as the nature of the material , its teacher, the climate and the environment.
Fourth: The motive for excellence and distinction: This is not the case with all children, as it differs according to individual abilities and differences.
Dr. is directed. Qwaidri 10 tips for families during the exam period to prepare their children, which are:
1- Children must be prepared throughout the school year to receive the examination period naturally.
2- Not to show as many signs of fear and anxiety as possible.
3- To be eager to boost their self-confidence and encourage them to persevere without scolding or weakening pressure, which weakens their self-confidence, leading to more anxiety, fear and frustration.
4- Avoid exaggerating their abilities, abilities and ambitions, especially in front of others, and it is preferable to handle their abilities objectively.
5- Refrain from comparing them to a superior colleague or family member in a way that frustrates them and hinders their performance.
6- Not to force your ambitions on them without looking at their tendencies, desires and abilities, but these tendencies, desires and abilities must be taken into account.
7- To encourage children and help them to study subjects in which they experience problems.
8- Be careful not to overload them and assign them unnecessary household chores.
9- Convince them to avoid using many stimulants (such as tea, coffee and cola).
10- To ensure that the student is regularly at school and not absent without an excuse by overcoming all the problems he encounters.