Beirut- Do women prefer to choose an ideal man even though he is different from her? Or do you want to be like her? The same goes for men. Is the similarity of the two spouses’ personalities one of the reasons for the success of the marital relationship?
Al Jazeera Net has also examined the opinions of psychologists and women, and there are those who have confirmed that agreement is the basis for the success of the marital relationship, and some of them believe that there are many things that play a key role in the process play of marital success or failure.
The rule of dialogue, not quarrel
Teacher Katia Khalifa, 30, says, “One of the reasons for the success of the marriage is the desire to establish a successful marital relationship, and emphasizes that differences between spouses with similar values deepen the relationship and ensure that it is in the right direction. go. .”
It has been found that hiding the points of difference or ignoring their treatment leads to an imbalance in the relationship between the spouses, as one of them makes concessions in favor of the other, which causes a kind of oppression in the person who is very give up. , which makes him nervous in dealing with problems thereafter, and makes it more difficult to reach a consensus formula, and here the marital relationship begins to collapse due to the imbalance of his pillars.
Katia Khalifa confirms, “That’s why my husband and I always accept the rule of dialogue, not quarrels, to reach a point of understanding, even if we do not agree on the same point, and we try to overcome the shortcoming slowly. and without tensions, and quarreling in front of the children, and trust between the spouses is very necessary, because it facilitates basic matters and makes the relationship more stable.
Respect or love?
Noha Khazal (a housewife, married 11 years) believes that “it is normal for every man to have his own personality and character that is different from the others.”
She gives an example of this by saying: “I remember at the beginning of our marriage that I was very irritated by my husband’s excessive reverence when I was preparing to leave the house, and he took a long time to wear his clothes. and to take care of his appearance, while I was preparing quickly, and I waited. “
“Unlike him, I was quick to do things around the house while being slow and purposeful. But because I love him, I tried to adapt to this temperament.”
And Noha added, laughing, “The irony is that with the passing of days and the arrival of the children, things turned around, so I took longer to prepare our children to go out, and he took on the role of took the waiter, and he did not get nervous or complain about arguing, but simply understood the matter. ”
Noha remembers that her husband – at the beginning of her marriage – liked to sleep in total darkness, while she liked to have a dim light at bedtime, and an argument broke out on this subject until she ‘ made a decision to get used to the idea of sleeping without the presence of light; She believed that these differences are simple and should not be exaggerated for the success of the marriage.
Noha emphasizes that mutual respect between spouses is more important than love, because this relationship has a very high chance of success, and the stage of marital cooperation is one of the most important stages of married life as it comes in the interest of the family. , and to cope with pressure, whether material, family or psychological needs, and this stage may last for a while, characterized by a few marital knots, but it often remains steadfast to maintain the stability of the whole family .
What does psychology think?
Elina Al-Baik, a psychologist in family and marriage counseling, explained that the agreement between the spouses ensures their harmony and understanding, and their ability to make decisions that they agree to. This is in contrast to the case of different personalities, temperaments and values, which cause constant daily conflicts and quarrels, although there are those who believe that the association of two people of different temperaments adds vitality to the married life and drives away the ghost of boredom. .
Al-Baik adds that integrated relationships based on difference are the best, most successful and most capable of releasing energy, as these are relationships that do not just depend on spending a good and comfortable time with a partner. not.
Sure, every human being needs someone with whom he feels happy and joyful, laughs and enjoys each other’s company, and shares interests and hobbies.
Integration in the relationship, however, carries many other meanings. When associated with a person who is different from the other, he can supplement the shortcomings of the other and develop his personality and vice versa, and this presents many challenges that drive him to be better, unlike the person who looks like him.
According to Al-Baik, the ideal and successful couple are not those who share the same view of things in personality and cultural background, but rather the spouses who take on new challenges and test new things and new acquaintances every day.
She believes that the issue of marriage is very complex, and it is very difficult to set a limit, standard or degree for marriage, whether it is successful or not, but there is a minimum and an upper limit for marriage understanding.
Sociology and the secrets of successful marriage
As for social worker Lilian Petroni, she says: “The agreement between spouses is limited to creating an atmosphere of sympathy that increases the longer the marriage period.”
She added that the spouses should be eager when differences arise to deal with it as if it were an opportunity to support the relationship between the two parties and understand the other, and it is important here that the relationship is built on a correct basis of proximity.
She pointed out that the relationship is not based on one of the elements of attraction such as excellence in intelligence or talent, beauty and wealth, which is one of the most common and dangerous reasons for attraction between people, because it is possibly based on distinction and not on agreement and symmetry between the two parties, thus fragile relationships are built on its basis, unable to proceed and achieve its goals.
Meaning of the perfect relationship
Social worker Lilian Petroni reviews some of the signs of a perfect, hassle-free relationship:
Character compatibility and complementarity: In the case of an ideal marriage, a kind of compatibility and integration between the spouses occurs. In this case, they help each other by bringing out the best in themselves and the best part of their personality, and a sense of confidence, pride, independence and pride.
Emotions appreciation: The couple appreciates each other’s feelings, and shows great interest in each other.
General goals and hobbies: A harmonious couple has clear and fixed goals, and they help each other to achieve them. They also have the same values and view life from the same point of view. One of the secrets of the success of the marriage is that the spouses share the same goals, hobbies and interests, and the tendency to live new adventures together.
Discussion and dialogue: Sometimes the spouses do not agree on a specific issue, but the secret of the success of their relationship lies in the discussion and dialogue, which present different points of view in an elegant way, without raising disputes and being careful with each other to go.
Petroni advises that the more similarities there are between spouses, the happier and more satisfied they will be in their marital relationship.
And she emphasizes that those who are about to get married should look in the partner for compatibility or agreement that protects the husband and wife in the future against the decision to divorce, and especially the compatibility of values and principles that are the basis on which each of them is based to lead the married life and bring it to safety.