How do you react to your child when he says to you “I hate you and I do not want you in my life”? | Mirror

Beirut – Some mothers experience problems with their children and complain about annoying and hurtful expressions, and they do not know how to handle this situation to prevent it from recurring.

In any case, no matter how unacceptable the child’s behavior is due to negative feelings, anger or excessive emotion, the mother should remain the best person, no matter how difficult the situation, and keep her calm so she can communicate and sympathize with him.

Why did my child say: I hate you … and kick the wall in anger?

Afaf Itani suffers from this problem with her middle child, Omar (7 years old) When he sometimes gets angry and does not want to do what she asks of him, he says to her: “I hate you,” and kicks his leg against the wall with great anger as an expression of his position and resentment.

Afaf explains that at first she did not understand his behavior, so she shouted at him and punished him, which made him more aggressive towards her and even towards his sisters, until she consulted a psychologist who warned her that it is necessary to contain her child. understand his feelings and help him, and that to argue with him or react to him with offensive words, but on the contrary, should be avoided .. To keep calm nerves, to embrace him, to sit with him and with discuss him to find out what the reason for his annoyance is.

This method worked for her, and she was able to figure out the reason for his negative feelings, the most important of which was “jealousy.” He thought that his sister was the favorite of his parents, and he felt that he was wronged and that he also wanted to feel loved. Omar was thus no longer the rebellious, stubborn, violent, refusing orders, but on the contrary; He became calm, well-mannered, non-aggressive and loving to everyone.

Catherine Deeb talks about her daughter, who suffers from moments of emotion and tension, so she starts screaming and saying hurtful words (Al-Jazeera)

I hug my daughter and say to her, “It’s okay, I love you.”

As for Catherine Deeb, she suffers from the moodiness of her only daughter, Milana, 6 years old, and when she gets excited and tense, she starts screaming and saying hurtful words like she “wish I was not her mother and she did not I want to stay with me for one minute, but then she started crying and I hugged her and said to her: It’s okay, everything will be fine, I’m by your side and I love you. “

Catherine believes it is a stage in the child’s life; Even when he says hurtful words to the mother, she should just give him some time to discover what he feels inside, he does not really mean to use these words and she should be sure that it is the result of anger and nothing more.

2Catherine Deeb embraces her and says it's okay, everything will be fine and I'm by your side and I love you - (Al Jazeera Net).
The mother must embrace her child and say to him: “It’s okay .. everything will be fine and I’m by your side and I love you” (Al Jazeera)

My son can not stand my presence and feels suffocated!

Rola Abdullah started looking for the reason why her 9-year-old son Jawad told her that he could not stand her presence and that he felt suffocated, and she added that she was very careful with him and therefore he felt a lack of independence and that he could not act alone and could not do many things without her presence.It bothered him and irritated him a lot, so he started arguing and his behavior became unbearable, but she became very nervous and confused about the correct behavior with him.

And she adds Al-Jazeera Net that she does not like to force Jawad to do something against his will, but she was of the opinion that there are better things for him that he was not convinced, and she is now aware became of the need to take care of his desire to get what he wanted and the importance of respecting his decisions not to generate this hatred, and that She intended to change the way he dealt with him changed not to increase his rebellion.

Psychology: Our children deserve time and attention

Hussein Al-Halabi, the family counselor and psychological specialist, believes that these words: “I hate you, I do not want you in my life anymore, you are a bad mother, I wish you would die, I hate this place and I can not bear to live in it, because you are in it … ”There is a lot of sadness, damage and pain for the family when they hear it from their children, and it is one of the most difficult moments for them, but there are many reasons that lead to disgust and hatred and change the child’s behavior towards especially the mother, including:

When the mother constantly turns to the imposition of orders and suppresses the freedom of the children and increases her criticism and exaggerates her reproaches for their actions, and she sees only the bad side of their behavior, and increases the blame and shouting, and forgets to to embrace them. and caring for their affairs and feelings and even moral support, all of these things lead to children hating the mother, and even causing psychological disorders, failure in studies and poor personality, according to dr. Al-Halabi.

The family counselor advises mothers and says, “Our children deserve time and attention from us, especially in our present time and in our difficult circumstances, and we must devote enough time to them and not neglect them. You must set an example. set for them to win their love and trust. ”

The family counselor and psychological specialist, Dr.  Hussein Al-Halabi, believes that our children deserve time and attention from us, especially in our present time, and in our difficult circumstances, and we must devote enough time to them and not neglect them.  You have to be role models.
Dr. Hussein Al-Halabi believes that our children deserve time and attention from us, especially in the present time (Al-Jazeera)

Necessary steps for a good relationship with your child

According to Al-Halabi, some basic steps need to be taken for every mother who wants to maintain a good relationship between her and her child, including:

The mother must take a deep breath and wait for the child to calm down: He should not be punished, and he should not insist on the word he said, because it is the result of anger or resentment, and he does not mean it at all, but is not able to get the basic idea that he really bother, to communicate.

The need to avoid shouting and cursing: It is advisable to help the child express his feelings and reveal in a different way what is in him, and to convey a message of useful sentences to him, such as: Why do we feel upset? Why are we fighting? What bothers him?

Put yourself in the child’s shoes and try to understand what he really wants: For example, tell him that you know he does not agree with your decision: “But we must get along, we are not enemies? And I must know why you refuse to do so?”

The importance of dialogue and sitting still to solve the problem and find a solution for both parties: An acceptable way must be found to express the child’s feelings without hurting others’ feelings.

children hate parents
Keep your facial expressions neutral and calm and assertive, not aggressive at the same time (Shutterstock)

Even if he tells you that he does not like you .. Tell him that you love him without limits

As for the psychotherapist, Marwa Gohar, she advises every mother, when she hears the worst word of her child: “I do not love you … I hate you …” with the following advice:

  • Do not take these words literally, this child’s reaction is an expression of certain frustration, resentment or anger over something.
  • Control your emotions, even if he tells you that he does not love you, on the contrary, tell him that you love him unconditionally.
  • Help him to express his true feelings and try to make him understand in a different way so that he can express himself again without harm.
  • Try to calmly explain to him that his words can hurt the feelings of others, so that he will change and develop his behavior for the better.
  • Keep your facial expressions neutral and calm and assertive at the same time, and do not be aggressive; To rebuke does not work, shouting does not work, and threats do not work either.
  • Only dialogue will lead to a positive outcome; Persevere, be brave and do not give up.
  • Try to pay attention to his news at school and how his day was to create a state of communication between you, as this method will lead to positive results in the future.
  • You should also focus on its benefits and not on its shortcomings and negatives and always criticize it.

Tips for mothers..be careful with your behavior

Jawhar advises all mothers to maintain a good and healthy relationship with their children, and for this they should pay close attention to their behavior, including:

Reorganize your life

Every mother should not neglect herself and avoid spending time with the child all the time, but on the contrary, she should organize time for everything; For her home, her job, her husband and her children.

Do not blame your child for taking all your time, and for making you tired and stressed, because this is not true. He is not responsible at all for your misery and discomfort, and you need to rethink the organization of your life and daily routine.

children hate parents
A mother who says that her child caused a bad mood is a big mistake she makes against herself and her (Shutterstock)

You blame him and he’s not guilty

The mother should not deprive herself of activities she has practiced before, and later remind him that she has sacrificed everything for him. This is the biggest mistake she makes, because the guilt is not his fault. Also when you come back and your mood is sour, do not tell him that he is the cause of this bad mood.It is a big mistake.You do it for yourself and for him too.

Do not compare your child with anyone

Do not try to compare him to others, as this will lead to alienation and negative feelings and the child will understand it in a different way, as if his mother loves the other more than him.

Teach him independence

Teach him to be independent, not always around you, and make sure he is not afraid and reluctant to do some messaging.

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