Your relationship with your partner .. 4 steps that strengthen it and 4 others destroy it – Moroccan depth

Many bachelors do not believe the advice of those who preceded them to enter the “golden cage” that a successful marriage should make an effort to make it a success, and they publish the love paper as a magic solution.

But day after day, married couples learn that married life does not have a magic button that you simply push so that love can begin to steer the ship alone and maintain itself without effort from them.

Married couples learn that it is not always easy to spend time and effort to truly understand their partner and achieve success.

In the next report, four steps to build a happy and successful marital relationship, to strive to achieve it, and four conflicting steps that make the sabotage of the marriage nest easy and quick, to pay attention to and avoid it.

4 steps to build a happy and successful relationship with your partner

According to the “Al-Elm” website, in order to achieve stable, successful and happy relationships with the partner, here are the steps that all attention, time and effort should be devoted to its implementation:

1. Be as nice as you can

Most modern approaches to family relationship counseling are based on research conducted by leading psychologist John Gottman, who is known for taking the lives of thousands of couples on video recordings, analyzing their interactions, and turning them into measurable data.

One of his most important physical findings was that a happy couple had five positive interactions for every negative interaction. “That was the highlight of the data analysis,” Guttman says.

This was true of different types of relationships, including those in which the two parties are independent or separated by distances or even their personalities tend to be argumentative.

These positive interactions are not necessarily great situations, Gottman says, “A smile, a nod, or just showing interest in listening is all positive.”

2. Think about what the other party needs, even during disagreements.

Guttmann argues that in resolving conflicts, we can learn from “game theory”, the study of conflict and decision-making used in political science, sociology, and economics.

The prevailing belief in the past was that the negotiations are mostly zero-sum situations, or in other words, the gains gained by one party are losses suffered by the other party.

In 1950, the mathematician John Nash demonstrated that there was another, better result that could be achieved. It’s a solution in which both sides make some concessions, but in the end everyone is satisfied (now known as the “Nash Equilibrium”, for which John Nash was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1994).

It reminds me, according to the author of the article “The Science”, of a situation that happened to me recently in my marriage; My husband hated the house we bought a few years ago and wanted to move to a new neighborhood, while I, on the contrary, loved the house and wanted to move nowhere. After having many conversations, we realized that what we both really needed was to settle down somewhere for a long time. And if my husband does not feel that the present house is the place where he can sit down, neither can I. So we decided to move in next month, for the two of us! Always find a “Nash equilibrium” in your disagreement, and then both of you will get what you want.

3. Attention.

“People are always looking for their partner’s attention and interest,” says Gottman. In his research, Gottman discovered that spouses who were happy (for at least the first seven years of marriage) understood these attention-seeking clues and actually showed interest 86% of the time, while those whose marriage ended in divorce on responded to this attention- looking for clues. Only 33% of the time.

Says Dana R. Berger, Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychology and Behavioral Sciences at the North-West University Feinberg School of Medicine: “This is the moment when we choose to listen to our partner breathe after a rough day, rather than to likes to watch a TV show.

And in any interaction that takes place, we have the opportunity to either connect with our partner or share with them. And if we choose to constantly walk away from him, the foundation of the marriage will slowly decay, even with no apparent disagreement. ”

4. Ignore the flaws and praise the benefits.

Observations about how couples behave at home show that people who focus on the negative do not pay attention to the very positive things their partner is doing. However, the happy couple ignores the troublesome things and focuses on the good.

“If your wife is nervous and bad one morning, it’s good,” says Gottman. It should not degenerate into a confrontation. If you do something nice, take note and comment on it. ” Guess what this style will bring you? More friendly behavior of course.

I will try to apply this lesson immediately, says the author. My husband leaves his dirty shirts on the floor, never puts the dishes in the dishwasher properly, and gets irritated if he does not get enough sleep, but he is’ a great man; He is honest, he shares his feelings, hugs me, kisses me a lot and generally makes me feel important in his life. And I also want to show him that he means a lot to me in my life, and that all other trivial things do not matter to me.

Four steps that even after a hundred years destroy the relationship with the partner

According to Al Arabiya Net, highlighting the simple and common mistakes that some couples make can help raise awareness and thus improve relationships with their partner. According to social and family relations specialist Stephen Ing, in an article published by Psychology Today, caring for and protecting family relationships requires the realization of a number of common mistakes, which are very simple to avoid to ensure you spend enjoyable times and live a happy life.

1- Unrealistic expectations
Some couples make the common mistake of exaggerating their expectations and constantly wanting the other person to be the best at everything, for example fitter, more tactful, rational, spiritual and emotional.

Eng recommends that they either: (a) acknowledge that they have chosen the wrong person as a partner or (b) deal realistically with the man and learn to love him for who he is, and adapt to which is possible.

2- A copy thereof

Some couples make the simple but crucial mistake of not feeling satisfied unless their partner has an exact copy of their emotions, opinions, ambitions and political or athletic tendencies.

Having an identical husband or wife can be further from the truth. Couples need to be aware that they are in an inclusive relationship, which means they are trying to find complementary, non-overlapping or identical areas of strength, ability and interest.

3- The pursuit of perfection

Some couples seek perfection in their behavior and the behavior of a partner, while the constant pursuit of perfection leads to a feeling of pressure and more burden, leading to disorder or frustration and failure of relationships.

Experts recommend that it is good for a person and his partner to have some non-essential flaws, and that each other feels that he loves him and accepts him as he is without pretending or pretending.

4- Not to allow and sabotage external friendships

It is quite common for couples to call each other the “best friend” in life. While it is wonderful for a man to be a woman’s best friend, it is also important to encourage her friendships with her female colleagues, neighbors, and female family members.

Being jealous of a man or woman who has other friends is self-destructive because people who have solid and trustworthy friendships are happier, adaptable, and involved in other aspects of their lives.

If one’s goal is to form a happy family whose relationships are based on solid foundations of love, respect and understanding, then he must create the circumstances and environment in which his partner feels safe, secure and stable just because she is with surrounds her nature in a natural and objective framework based on the acceptance of the other as he is.

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