Can we forgive the family that cannot be forgiven?

Forgiveness in the family is very difficult when we get hurt. It is one of the most difficult deeds and times in one’s life. Painful family stories are often recorded in our memory, and it is difficult to get rid of them.

And when a parent himself has gone through difficulties with his parents and has not forgiven them, the children in turn will find it difficult to be forgiving. It is an endless repetition that leaves traces in the hearts of an entire generation, and yet it will be children who forgive more easily than adults and they will surely be the key to a more virtuous and more redeeming path.

How do you move toward forgiveness in the family, even if the harm is unforgivable? How do we make sure that the past does not pass into the present?

Forgiveness in the family in the face of child trauma

A report published by “lesson moth positives” says that when it comes to forgiveness, it affects a person’s intimacy and willingness to face the immeasurable pain we can experience when a parent hurts us. Childhood creates deep trauma that hurts, hurts or impulsively hurts our adults.

To better identify the different wounds, it is first important to identify the true wound of the past, as there are 5 childhood traumas, it is emotional and physical abuse, verbal humiliation, sexual violence, to have a family member who is addicted or mentally ill, parental abandonment (divorce, death) loss, imprisonment).

It is extremely difficult to overcome these traumas, and sometimes it takes a long time before the cause of resentment, resentment and loss of self is clearly identified in our relationships.

It can take many years before they commit to the act of forgiveness. Some families experience resentment, waiting, forgetfulness, loneliness, alienation and many other worries without seeing the result. Forgiveness can come late, but sometimes never.

Anger and resentment can be hard and hard and can therefore leave heavy scars and burdens on an entire family, an entire generation, where forgiveness takes the place of forgiveness and nothing seems to pave the way to forgiveness and a purification of the air. .

How does one forgive a loved one without being infinitely angry with him? How can a person overcome resentment, hatred, resentment and worry towards his parents and family?

Forgiveness means refusing to take revenge

When we agree to forgive, we reject revenge, of which we must be aware, and when we do not forgive, we remain hateful, thus nourishing a toxic space in our hearts, nourishing an existing wound with more anger and sadness.

These feelings are completely legitimate when we are in pain or when the pain is still burning, the next step that needs to be incorporated is to refuse to continue pain and evil.

When we forgive, we reject the idea of ​​making the mistake again. We must not respond to the pain we suffer by causing another pain, that is, you must not wish harm to those who have hurt you, and so revenge is removed from your life, so forgiveness is the healing .

But sometimes it’s hard to reach this level of awareness, therapists can help us, but if you do not want to tell your story for the thousandth time you can also treat yourself through therapeutic writing, and today, thanks to the various writing workshops we can see to what extent The act of writing can liberate and give a different meaning and energy to your life.

Telling your story in writing, or creating new perspectives for yourself, is essential to rebuilding yourself.

Revenge does not correct a mistake, but it brings up a hundred more, and in the process of retaliation we ourselves become lax men, opening a door to violence, a door we refuse to tolerate. Revenge is a breather, a desire for comfort and entertainment, but sometimes violence cannot be controlled because the pain is so intense.

Childhood wounds are the story of our lives, according to the sword of Damocles, but we cannot bear this responsibility to recount them. So that we do not reproduce it, we must learn to let go, that is, to let go of the fist. One of the main reasons for this spiritual debauchery is the presence of our children in the midst of these inner pains.

Our children are the best helpers for us to forgive, children forgive more easily than adults, and children begin to love their parents, and when they grow up, they judge them, sometimes they forgive them.

How do you forgive childhood trauma? How do you forgive family betrayal? How do you live out the experience of forgiveness?

As we become parents, a whole world of beliefs shakes up, our children bring us a new outlook on life. Father and mother love are powerful sources of personal transformation, they direct us to a responsibility towards life.

When we do not forgive someone in the family who has offended us, there are several conflicting reasons we move: I hurt and I will never forgive you for what you have done to me, I want to protect myself and my children, i do not want it to happen again.

Fear triumphs and we remain in this suffering, a day when we realize the need to move toward forgiveness so that the presence of our children and our responsibility to them can accompany us on this path of forgiveness. Above all, the love of our children allows us to move forward and be resilient.

Children forgive more easily than adults because they have the ability to be the center of a relationship and move forward when they are hurting. As we grow older, our judgment increases and our tendency to forgive increases.

But in the beginning, love is dominant, and it creates the momentum after forgiveness, “one day friend, then enemy, then reconciliation.” Children have this ability to reconcile quickly and not in a spirit of revenge. Why do they get out of there easier than we do?

The child is also naturally endowed with empathy. His honesty and caring for others is highly developed at his age, this ability is innate in him and he continues to cherish it as he grows, so our children are the first educators of our empathic sensitivity that we sometimes lose through our minds in a state of emotional pain.

Children will then forgive more easily than adults, yet they run the risk of losing this intelligence of forgiveness if we are not ourselves at the center of this development.

The importance of forgiveness in the family

The areas of the brain involved are the areas of empathy and love regulation.

Being able to forgive by mobilizing these areas is self-positive because we moderate our emotional management. It is to pursue resentment and rather turn to complacency, and leave evil on the other side of the road rather than go through the same previous steps.

If we maintain this pressure associated with pain and resentment, we will help to deepen our stress, which causes the body to produce intense cortisol, and these negative emotions can cause depression and social anxiety, to maintain our well-being there is no other than forgiveness. , therefore it is important to spread it within the family.

The report wonders how many times we say to our children: Apologize! Say I’m sorry, but these are not words that are said lightly and how they are spent. Teaching tolerance to our children is true education. By being in this educational guidance, we can realize how much the path of forgiveness can free us and lead us to self-love, accept our pain and our indoctrination paths even when these paths are difficult and unbearable.

Confronting unfair and harmful behavior is part of our lives. Establishing forgiveness in the family means creating comfort in the brain.

It means giving up the brain-destroying emotional suffering process. In any case, this is what researchers reported in a study in the U.S. National Library of Medicine.

Forgiveness has its power, by making the effort to forgive, the brain creates a form of pain relief. Without forgiveness we will never be healed.

The aforementioned scientific study demonstrates this through magnetic resonance imaging images that show that when we forgive, we create a different circuit in our brain, and thus the pain is healed.

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