Delete between spouses.. Here are its controls and how to invest its benefits and avoid its harm?

Jokes are one of the social behaviors that give life a fun character and free it from various destructive factors, such as moodiness, boredom, sadness, negativity,…

And jokes, according to his controls, are necessary in continuity relationships such as marital relationships, work relationships and the relationship with friends to free those relationships from monotony.

Of course, the rule “everything that exceeds its limit turns into its opposite” is also valid for controlling jokes. And the limits of jokes so that it does not turn into its opposite and turn into a graph that destroys relationships, is not related to its size (duration, pace,…) but also to its appropriate contexts and topics.. .

There is banter that is black and hateful, that makes one person have fun while the other party suffers and suffers emotionally. This type has no joke except the name, otherwise the goals of the joke are to introduce fun and vitality into relationships and not to subject their parties to destructive psychological situations.

As for a heavy joke, it is a joke that loses its positive dimension and turns into a source of anxiety and doubt, after being repeated.

To invest the benefits of jokes, especially in marital relations, and to take advantage of its benefits, the following report provides a set of models and useful advice in this area, according to Al Jazeera Net.

Heavy joke: begins with laughter and ends with regret

The young woman, Lynn Shehab, says that her husband Ahmed started joking with her that he was going to marry her, and she took it as a joke at first, but he started repeating it in every session, and it was no longer not a fun joke or a normal humor, but rather a question and doubt for her?

She couldn’t take this kind of jokes anymore, so she confronted him and asked him to stop this talk, because he was already bothering her, and even scared her, but his reaction shocked her; He was so angry with her that he didn’t want to talk to her anymore.

Shehab continues her account that the relationship between them was very strained because of this joke, so she waited for the right time to calm his nerves and sat next to him to talk to him seriously, calmly and kindly, and told him that jokes are a double-edged sword; Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to the words, so as not to misunderstand things or cause the words to unintentionally hurt the feelings of the other or provoke his jealousy.

Then her husband felt that he had gone too far in joking with her, and apologized to her, admitted that he loved her and would not leave her, and that he had chosen a heavy joke that was not suitable for the marital relationship does not.

Delete at the wrong time and place

The young woman, Jumana Damj, sees that her husband, Tariq, exaggerates in his jokes. He rather exceeds the limits, so her banter is heavy as she described it, and it is enough that he annoys her with his jokes and asks him daily to stop him, or – at least – to relieve him.

And some of his harm to her is that he makes fun of her in front of his family, and this is what saddens and hurts her the most, no matter what justifications her husband gives, and the way he makes fun of her in front of his laughing children with her, therefore she sees it as a detraction from her children’s respect for her, as she says.

She remembers Damj’s command from the Prophet – may God bless him and give him peace – when he advised Abu Huraira: “Don’t laugh too much, because too much laughter kills the heart.” The ban undoubtedly includes what provokes laughter, interest in it, and striving for it, as she says.

Jumana chose a time when she was reassuring her husband and keeping her busy, and the children were far from them, and she approached him with a smile and told him: “Many of my friends complain about the seriousness of their husbands and envy me their cheerful spirit,” so he felt satisfied and happy.

And she went on and said to him: “But I ask you to be considerate not to hurt me unintentionally, and not to joke with me in front of our children. This always fixes our situation and reconciles our hearts. “

Her husband felt ashamed and apologized to her, stressing that he did not want to harm her or disrespect her in front of his family or their children, as she told Al Jazeera Net.

Tips on how to joke between spouses

Eleanor El-Ghaz, consultant for marital relations and family counseling and guidance, believes that the sense of humor and pranks between spouses effectively contribute to the strengthening of the marital relationship, and she offers a set of tips for learning how to get along with the partner to joke:

sensitive man

When one of the spouses has a sensitive nature, the other party should realize what kind of jokes annoy him, and avoid joking about things that make him sad and angry, so as not to alienate him and complain, and can destroy married life.

Skip getting married again

Sometimes a man jokes with his wife that he will marry a second wife and the like, and here this joke leads to the wife’s jealousy and suspicion that her husband may betray her, and from here many problems start, when the man answers his phone or leaves the house alone, the woman will interrogate him and force her questions on him Which disturbs him and makes him captive and tied up, so that the love between them gradually fades and family calm disappears.

joke about divorce

Some men joke with each other that they are ready to take the divorce step only as a joke, and this is enough to destroy the sense of security in the spouses, especially the wife, especially since security is one of the most important psychological needs for both parties to build a stable married life.

Delete to hide the truth

There are husbands who joke with their wives that they are hiding some facts from them, which arouses the concern of the wife to know the truth of the matter.

convey message

Sometimes one of the spouses is forced to blame or admonish the other party, but sometimes he admonishes him in a joking manner; This means that the man is passing a message against the other party by joking.

How do you set banter limits?

The puzzle confirms that joking is a positive thing, but that – like everything – it has limits and etiquette, since joking is necessary and important for the spouses, provided it does not invade their privacy or affect their respect; Therefore, there are rules and limits for jokes between spouses:

unequal relationship:

If – for example – the man likes heavy or violent banter and his wife does not like him, it is not a joke at all, but rather turns into annoyance and insult for the other party, and because there are many types of jokes , the spouses must agree on a specific type of banter to laugh together, so that the banter is not offensive.

Use banter to break the deadlock:

Don’t get hung up on someone’s looks or their shortcomings, instead focus on shared experiences.

There can be banter about superficial matters such as expressing constant boredom to the partner or choosing clothes, but be aware that this can cause damage if they are not familiar with each other, they may not have the harmony to act on such a way to participate.

Use jokes as an excuse:

For example, if you say I was just joking to cover up that you were wrong, your sense of humor is to avoid responsibility, which hurts the man.

Joke turned into sarcasm:

Attention must be paid to the intention because sarcasm is not fun at all. Making fun of weight or shape is bullying, therefore it is better to look for solutions to get rid of bullying in married life.

Negative comments:

Passive-aggressive humor may sound good at first, but it’s annoying, like when the woman says she’s lost 5 kilos, and the man replies: It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight. Although this comment may seem natural at first, it may offend her on the other hand, so pay attention to what the person is saying, a phrase like “You look great” leads to a stronger relationship-building result.

What are the benefits of joke spouses?

Consultant Eleanor Puzzle sees jokes as beneficial because they relieve stress and anxiety. When finances are tight, you have problems with children, or life becomes full of dates and you forget an important reminder for the couple, humor plays its precious role.

Studies have shown that individuals who have a good sense of humor are less likely to be tired and depressed, and they and their spouses are more likely to enjoy life in general.

And its benefits:

Increasing intimacy: Feelings of love increase when the couple laughs together; Banter encourages connection and intimacy in new, old and romantic relationships. The banter adds a wonderful dimension to the conversations, and strengthens the sense of intimacy and closeness between the spouses.

gentle teasing: Teasing the other person from time to time in a light and smooth way will inevitably add some fun to the relationship.

childish banter: Kisses on the cheeks, tickling and silly, childish “meat”… all these things can add an atmosphere of fun and pampering in the marital relationship.

What are the disadvantages of joke spouses?

Humor or provocative banter can hurt the other party as it can be negative and cause harm, including:

mate tease: Focus on light and funny jokes without teasing the partner because teasing and teasing makes him feel insecure about you.

annoying joke: Harsh banter causes repulsion and kills friendliness and intimacy.

self-loathing: This means jokes in which you belittle yourself or give others permission to make fun of you, and this is self-harm.

criticize something or someone: It is possible to criticize something or someone as a joke in front of the partner to make him laugh, provided that the criticism of others is not a permanent habit, because the constant criticism creates a bad impression and distances the partner from you .

Have fun and laugh a lot

In short, the mystery ends with her saying that laughter is a drug to relieve stress, so it’s important for couples to have a good laugh when they find themselves in trouble. Jokes facilitate the communication process between the two partners and contribute to creating a more relaxed atmosphere. In other words, “Make fun and laughter a big space in your marriage relationship.”

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