“I work and my husband takes care of our child”.. Families in their estrangement change the roles of the traditional family

Most Arab families are distinguished by their own characteristics, and they are proud of their classic “oriental” form and originality. Those who advocate this style believe that despite everything that hinders family relations in Arab societies, the family is still cohesive and retains its identity in society.

Even those who do not prefer this pattern, some of whom believe that relations in Arab society are based on hypocrisy and disguised and formal favoritism, are fighting a losing war in the field of conflict between the “Arab and foreign” families because the accelerated decline of the family entity in Europe and America has become like a rolling snowball draining the energy of its owners.

According to data from the European Union’s statistical office Eurostat, the marriage rate in the European Union fell from 8.0 per 1,000 people in 1964 to 4.3 in 2019. Meanwhile, the divorce rate has more than doubled.

Therefore, the Arab family also felt threatened, as it became part of these European societies, and in most cases tried to build and flourish an angelic aura around the lives of parents and children.

Among the caravans of Arab immigrants to the continent of safety, families decided to take advantage of these winds, putting their sails in their face to keep up with a new form of the family imposed by material and social conditions and renounce the traditional family form. and declare his affiliation to a family with a new social entity.

Sami (32 years old) and Nancy (27 years old) and their two children, a German family of Syrian origin living in a small house in the city of Düsseldorf without religious or governmental marriage, not for financial or religious reasons, and not for reasons that are not related. to the correctness of association test.

“We refused to have the link between our official documents, witnesses and transactions. We live together and live a happy life and have two children.” Sami and Nancy are of Syrian origin and live together as a family without an official contract.

Sami told Raseef22: “The reason is simply that the idea of ​​documenting or preserving the marriage with a paper or transaction is a secondary issue that falls before the essence of this institution. Nancy and I refused the bond documents, witnesses and transaction, and here we live a very happy life, we have two children and we will continue our life together.”

Nancy paid no attention to the documentation of the marriage, its rituals and customs, as she decided to live with Sami after a year-long love affair and continued with her choice. The informatics engineer told Raseef22: “I understand the Arab families’ astuteness about customs and religion and accept their desire. But I do not allow one of its members to bring these customs into my life and my house, even my family, accepted their advice and respected their desire, but my decision was fixed in this matter, and Sami and I are the only ones concerned with it.”

The family lives in a neighborhood far from the areas of Arab communities, and tries to integrate into European society with their two children, who bear their German names, thus reducing the number of intellectual battles the family can wage due to his abandonment of the traditional family form.

“Not out of fear for us, but rather not to waste time,” according to Nancy’s point of view, and she adds: “I have the ability to argue with hundreds of Arab families about the insignificance of documented marriage, and the naivety of those who assign the task of binding a man or woman with a document, but I prefer to be occupied with more useful matters than to enter into conversation Barren with people who invest debt to exploit women.”

“The only two people I have to hide my decision from are my grandfather and my grandmother, because it’s hard for them to accept this idea, so I hide cohabitation from them, and I don’t consider myself a hypocrite here not, but rather an orbit for them.” Sami, lives with his partner and their children without an official contract.

The anesthesiologist agrees with his wife and sees in the transmission of these ideas to the children, the best approach to raise them to respect their vision of life, free from giving in to ready-made social “cliches”. It is difficult for them to grasp and accept this idea, and I have no problem hiding cohabitation from them. I do not consider myself a hypocrite here, but rather an orbiter of an old mentality that is not flexible cannot be and is not used to interfering in the affairs of the grandchildren and respects their decision.”

Nancy and Sami put the two children (ages 7 and 11) in a summer school with a full boarding system in another city, to refine their personalities and teach them independence from a young age, according to their point of view. The parents also intend to leave the option of the children’s independence from the family home when they reach the legal age.

According to the German Statistics Authority, the traditional image of the family has declined significantly in the country, and the form of families that give birth without marriage, or families in which one of the parents is absent to raise the children, has spread, and the latter accounted for 26 percent of the total families in Germany.

This is the case in most European countries, in which the Arab communities are widespread.

Taking care of the house and taking care of the children is one of the forms of the Arab family’s departure from its traditional form and its transformation in Europe into an unusual family in most cases, where the mother is the main breadwinner, while the father plays the role of taking care of the children and staying at home with them.

Nazir stays at home in Budapest and takes care of his duties and the tasks of looking after the child, while Heba is committed to university in another city and benefits from the scholarship grant that supports the family.

Heba and Nazir, a Syrian doctor and engineer, came to Hungary through a scholarship that Heba received. Through the grant visa, she was able to take Nazir and her one-year-old daughter.

The difficult working conditions in Hungary, which require learning the Hungarian language, made Nazir, a housekeeper in Budapest, take care of his duties and the tasks of taking care of the child, while Heba is busy at university in another city ​​and benefit from the scholarship salary that supports the family.

The 28-year-old dentist, Heba, said: “In Syria, my mother contributed greatly to our support in running the house, cooking and taking care of the child, but in Europe we are faced with a shocking reality. I will study and work, and Nazir will manage these tasks.”

The new family form changes the dynamics of the relationships in it. The one who takes care of the child is the one who spends the longest time with her, which is a harbinger, which led to the child becoming more accustomed to her father has. than she is to her mother, which is not usual in the traditional family.

Here Heba, who is studying for a master’s degree in social work, says: “To ensure a better future for the family, we numb these pains and problems. We overcome obstacles with our belief that these problems are a period of labor that will lead to the birth of the beautiful life we ​​dreamed of when we were in Syria.”

The secret of the success of the new family form lies in Nazir’s view of this reality, in which he does not see a detraction from his masculinity or an impairment of it. Sometimes he hides his impatience, but ultimately we take the family’s hand to make their decisions work and get them to the best place.”

While some Arab families summarize the role of women only in the reproductive function and the position of men to make money outside the home, other families were able to face compelling circumstances and great obstacles, and have a model for a successful family presented away from the classical form.

No matter how different the shape of the family, its success is tied to the parents’ appreciation of the tasks and responsibility entrusted to them to sail this boat, regardless of who is rowing and who is reading the compass, and the most prominent manifestation of attitude. these responsibilities are flexibility towards the new society and any changes that may occur in the form or formation of the family, which As long as it remained surrounded by a healthy atmosphere based on respect, understanding and knowledge of each member of his role and tasks.

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