Some suffer from the absence of any effective boundaries between themselves and others, which makes them suffer in their social relationships, as they live on the constant fear of angering or upsetting others, while others violate their boundaries to violate their own boundaries without being able to say no, or do anything.
Building strong boundaries through which you live equal social relationships in which you are comfortable does not require sacrificing friends, family, and acquaintances, but rather requires only following rules that help you build effective boundaries that will protect you without to lose someone
The following report, according to Al Jazeera Net, offers tips on setting boundaries with others:
- Know your limits first
We may only think of setting limits for others when they upset us, but limits are not just for bad guys, but our internal systems to warn against the danger of emotional and psychological exhaustion with family and friends and to protect the health of maintaining our relationships at home and work.
We build our boundaries based on our principles, our upbringing, our traditions and our self-awareness, and these differ from one individual to another. Psychology Central has identified 5 different types of boundaries: physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional and financial.
Physical boundaries determine the extent to which you accept touches, hugs, kisses and handshakes in public places. Intellectual boundaries are about your thoughts and beliefs. Emotional boundaries indicate your willingness or unwillingness to share your feelings about something with a particular person. Financial boundaries start by asking you about your salary and what you spend your money on. It ends with a request for money.
Healthline advises you to identify 10 important values for you, such as not touching without permission, giving the right to its owners, refusing to bully, or respecting free time away from work, and think about the number of times those values have been violated, to make it clear to you the boundaries that must be You must build it.
Knowing your basic rights helps you to describe, such as the right to be treated with respect, the right to say “no” without guilt, the right to be concerned about your own needs as you do others, and the right not to comply with all. the expectations of others.
It is within your physical limits. A stranger has no right to approach you for more than a meter, and this is measured by the distance of your arm forward. Similarly, a family member does not have the right to raise a controversial topic and provoke you. to express an opinion that he knows is contrary to the opinion of the rest of your family.
- Build your limits slowly
Do not rush to define your boundaries under feelings of anger and hatred, because you will turn to the opposite of who you were, which will be a heavy burden on you and others Family members, friends or co-workers, and you will feel unjustified distress to the extent that you went further and you were not aware of the reason.
Reflecting on your life situations will give you the ability to slowly set and build healthy, non-extreme boundaries to reflect on whether you are headed in the right direction or need to make adjustments and stick with them instead of high, fragile walls to build that alienates the people around us and is difficult for us to protect.
If someone violates your boundaries, it’s because they’re not clear if they want to harass you, so we have to be clear and firm because we don’t know the reason. Act like this with me.
These clear statements show your confidence and express your thoughts and feelings firmly and gently without blaming or threatening the other. They also give him an opportunity to revise his behavior if he means well, and give you an opportunity to monitor his behavior later to determine his intent to get close to you.
A person who respects his limits and abilities receives a lot of criticism, as he is selfish and does not like to help others, or is busy with himself, or it is difficult to take something from him, let alone of those who “don’t say no. “
That criticism is nothing but an attempt by others to break your limits, shake your principles, and push you to say “yes” out of shame to their urgency, because that’s what we were told throughout our childhood, or because you are “kind-hearted” and comfortable.
Living without “no” is like living as a servant to satisfy other’s desires, they ask you for things you don’t dream of, but you put it in a luxury item, or at least it will for it will be difficult for you to say “no” when you are on the verge of physical and psychological stress, and you will feel guilty if you do not comply with their demand in exchange for your safety.
You shouldn’t be rude when rejecting a request that oversteps the bounds of its intent, and a report on Psychology Today suggests wording the “sandwich” for rejection, in which you start and end your sentence with something positive and the rejection phrase succeeds. in the middle, like saying “I wish I could do the job for you, unfortunately I won’t. My time for extra work, I wish you a happy holiday with your family and children.”
How many times have we left a place where we felt uncomfortable after a conversation with close people and did not know the reason until we accused ourselves of exaggeration and sensitivity, this is called intuition, when our instincts alert us to the violation of our boundaries or our need to build boundaries in order not to feel offended.
These warnings appear in a high heart rate, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, upset stomach, rubbing of the hands, clenching of molars, nosebleeds, detachment from reality and distracted thinking.
Our body warns us of our need to love ourselves more, and if your inner voice tells you that you are exaggerating and don’t deserve people to respect your boundaries, resist that voice and engage in activities that increase your happiness. such as running, singing, or any activity you like, to increase the level of happiness hormones and positive thinking within you.