The way to the bedroom… between pleasure and regret

“I invited him to the remote beach in Latakia city. I walked to the car, and he said: Where? I replied: I will bring a handkerchief, then the sound of the car engine began to rise in the place, I looked at him through the yellow light, I saw him running and shouting at the top of his voice: Merry, Merry.. The wheels started moving, I grabbed the steering wheel with my left hand, and then threw his papers out the window with my right hand I increased my speed until I was completely gone in the dark, I saw him running from the mirror behind the leaves scattered on the beach, that was the last scene with which I concluded a relationship that lasted five year lasted, I wanted to take my right out of life by force. This is how the young Syrian woman, Miri (32 years), told about the end of a romantic relationship, during which she experienced high levels of pain, self-blame and feelings of betrayal experienced, which she was able to end after several failed attempts.

My experiences with Gandhi

Meri tells Raseef22 her story: “In five years, that young man repeatedly reminded me that I am not his life partner. In the evening I rushed to my room, stood naked in front of the mirror, stared at my body, started with me slightly flaccid chest, down to my bloated stomach, then my vagina, look at its color. White, black or brown?” The journey to make the right decision, and get away from this abusive relationship, lasted a year and a half, during which Miri read the book “My Experiences with Truth” by the spiritual leader of India, Mahatma Gandhi.

“When I read Gandhi’s experiences with abstaining from meat and ceasing sex, something began to form in me, an idea of ​​how to control and tame our feelings and instincts,” says Merry. “When I look back on my experiences with it young man, I clearly understand Gandhi’s words.”

“In five years this young man repeatedly reminded me that I was not his partner. In the evening I rushed to my room, stood naked in front of the mirror, stared at my body, starting with my slightly sagging chest, to my bloated belly, then my vagina, look at its color, white or black or brown?”

Gandhi was concerned with reforming himself, offering repentance after every act of vice. When his father was on his deathbed, Gandhi left to have sex with his wife, missing the moment of his father’s death.

Gandhi wrote in his autobiography about how guilty he felt for this act: “I was so ashamed, I ran into my father’s room, if it had not been for the animal lust that blinded me, my father would have died in my arms has.”

“I read the whole book,” says Merry, “but this thrilling experience of Gandhi made me touch a faint chant in the depths of my soul, that chant that rises loud in the night to stop, and then change in tears running from my eyeballs.”

What is that experience?

Gandhi asked several women to join him in bed while he slept naked to test his victory over sexual desire, and he succeeded. “After I finished reading the book, on a night when millions of stars shone in the sky, I invited him to the remote shore, I ended that relationship and burned all the ships of desire behind me,” says Merry.

The way to the bedroom

At the beginning of last winter, when September came as a pleasant guest in the city of Damascus, Maya began a romantic relationship with Alaa, which quickly developed into a sexual relationship, especially since he alone owns an apartment. Beauty in her waist, she stared for a long time, as if my thoughts came to her, so she jumped up on her seat and said: What do you think?

Maya walked with Alaa to his bedroom, for her that path was a light path, filled with the fragrance of tolerance and love, and for him it was the last step before reaching the pinnacle of selfishness, Alaa explains his feeling : “I don’t love Maya, but I longed for her. I wanted a human and sexual relationship, but I never thought about marriage, I told her that from the beginning.”

Maya sees things from a different perspective, telling Raseef22: “I thought he would love me over time, but he didn’t. I wanted to be free of this desire. Intimacy became a violation of my body, a feeling of inferiority.”

She continues, “My wrong relationship with Alaa made me think about myself, and then I discovered that I was practicing negative habits without knowing. I wanted to get rid of my instincts’ control over my behavior. I dreamed of using the phrase shouting at him. (Don’t touch me), but how? And all my efforts failed.”

“I thought he would love me in time, but he didn’t. I wanted to break free from this desire, intimacy became a violation of my body, a feeling of inferiority.”

Maya started reading, several books appeared in front of her that talk about the benefits of sports, so exercises are the most suitable solution to get rid of negative energy, but how do you start?

“You are more than wonderful,” “right left,” “up and down.” The coach’s voice rang out from Maya’s cell phone, as she pulled her hands over the blanket and curled her feet under it, to prevent any cold breeze from entering and disturbing the warmth of her bed.

Maybe this is Maya’s 101st attempt, she paid huge amounts to join gyms, bought sports machines and sat indoors but all her attempts failed.

Maya explains what happened: “I watched a documentary about the method of planting new ideas in the subconscious, his idea that when you want to build a new positive habit, before you practice it, you have to be convinced of it, by repeated reading about its benefits on your mental and physical health.”

Maya reached the solution: “Before I started exercising, I watched videos talking about the benefits of exercise daily, in my bed, in the kitchen, or even on the bus, for more than two months. I had the same read and repeat lectures. , until I felt ready to begin. “.

After about 25 days of daily practice, the negative thoughts disappeared from Maya’s mind. I heard the sound of a message arriving via WhatsApp, and I realized that it was from Alaa, but her heart rate rose with the effort she put into the exercises. not upon the arrival of his message or upon hearing his voice.

American plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz says in his book “Psychological Control” that the time it takes to learn a new habit is 21 days without interruption, as he observed that his patients took 21 days to to get used to their new faces, after plastic surgery.

The relationship between sex and food

“I went to sleep, even though I knew I was making a mistake, I did it over and over without being able to stop. He was a married man, and I was alone in Damascus,” is the story of Carmen, a young Syrian woman who went through a harsh sexual experience that made her search more for her inner self.

Carmen’s apartment is filled with chocolate bars, boxes of cookies are on the kitchen table, and inside the fridge are all kinds of candies and ice creams.

She tells Raseef22 in a sarcastic way: “My mouth was like a plough, and took everything in its path. In the last year I gained about seven kilograms, and became 88 kilograms. I became depressed. I run from my sadness to the fridge, I look for sweets, especially when I ask him not to call me during his time with his wife.”

Carmen began to tear herself down, feelings of guilt, remorse and self-harm increased: “I looked at myself: I am a young woman of twenty-five, weighing almost ninety kilograms, fat around her stomach and thighs, trembling with any movement, sleeping with a married young man, using her body for his pleasure, while he builds a family and a future with another woman.”

German psychologist Sigmund Freud sees in his book “Instinct and Culture”, that the world during grief is poor and empty, while the superego is not worthy of respect, and the melancholic person blames himself, and when he describes himself, in a state of increasing self-criticism, as a small person, He tries to hide his flaws, he came close to knowing himself, here we realize that sad experiences always lead us to the truth.

Carmen discovered that her sexual relationship was not the only fault, as she is unable to control her desires, whether for sex or food. She says: “I read a translated German article explaining that the human instinct for food is stronger than his instinct for sex. I decided to start by abstaining from sweets. I wanted to take on the challenge with myself.”

Attempts to abstain from sugar lasted about two months, during which Carmen continued to read about the harms of sweets, until she finally succeeded: “I did not taste artificial sugar for more than five months,” according to what he stated .

After her victory over her craving for sweets, Carmen’s mind calmed down, she organized her food and sleep and she lost five kilograms, which was evident on her body.

Did you manage to get away from him? Her answer: “One day he asked to meet me at ten o’clock at night, but his time conflicted with my new bedtime, so I refused. I said, No, followed by the word ‘No’ until I got out. of that relationship, a new, conscious girl who is able to distinguish between love and exploitation.”

These three experiences are part of a complex process that some women in eastern societies go through, during which they get lost between their repressed feelings and their desire to build a healthy emotional relationship of love and respect. However, they can unfortunately fall into the trap. of some men who are only looking for transient sexual relations.

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