Now aged 72, Peter Shilton’s football career has spanned three decades
As England’s most capped player, goalkeeper Peter Shilton was one of the most successful and famous players in the world, but off the pitch Shilton was a lifelong gambling addict – until his wife managed to help him quit. kick. In her own words, Steve Shelton describes life with a gambling addict and how she is determined to help others with loved ones struggling with the same problem.
Shortly after we met in 2012, I noticed his suspicious behavior. He would leave the room to use his phone, and he was suspiciously reserved.
I thought there was another woman, so if you live with a gambling addict, you will inevitably feel like there is a third party in your relationship.
On his phone I saw the same number over and over again, it was a betting company’s phone number.
“I felt there was a serious problem.”
At first when he came out of the room to use his phone to gamble, I thought that he was a gentleman and didn’t want to gamble in front of me, and that it was just a simple hobby.
One night I woke up and he wasn’t in bed. He was sitting in front of his laptop with a betting form on the screen. It was midnight and he seemed to be thinking of betting on a horse race in Australia, and of course he could gamble on any race, around the world, at any time he wanted.
image copyright Peter and Steph Shilton
Then it became clear to me that this is not just a hobby, and that there is a very serious problem. I realized beyond any doubt that he has a gambling addiction.
I tried to talk to him. I worked in the healthcare industry for a long time, and during that time I saw so many addicts trying to kick their addictions, I knew I shouldn’t be pushed by it.
When he talked about his addiction he tended to get very excited, he was in complete denial, he said it was just something he did for fun. His addiction was mainly betting on horse racing, he knew a lot about horse racing and he knew the managers and the players who owned the horses, it seemed like a way of life.
There is a widespread belief that gambling addicts are usually losers and obstacles. In fact, they are often highly intelligent and professionally successful, to the point where it is difficult for one to imagine that he is ahead of a person who is a gambler. The gambler also hides his addiction to a great extent. I found it hard to live with because I love Peter.
He has been a gambler all his adult life, since he was 15, that is for 45 years.
image copyright Evening Standard
Peter Chilton when he was 15 years old
He proposed to me and proposed to take me to Barbados for our honeymoon, but I told him: You are a gambler, I cannot marry you, and I am very worried that this addiction will kill you will own in a way that makes it hard to stop.
But I never gave him an ultimatum or deadline.
I took some measures, the first of which is that I kept my money separate from his money. This is advice I give to everyone who lives with gambling lovers: keep your financial independence, and never lend them money.
I noticed that when he got a bank statement, he would tear it up and burn it.
‘It broke my heart’
Then his bank statement arrived in the mail while he was away from home working in a relatively remote location. I wanted to see how much money he was spending on gambling, and I found pages and pages showing that a lot of his money was going to the gambling company BetFair. He gambled about $18,000. pounds sterling in one month.
I stood dumbfounded and felt a terrible shock that shook my core, and I said to myself, “Oh my God, he is so sick,” it broke my heart.
When he learned that I became fully aware of this, he became very angry with me, but I told him: you have a disease, it is an addiction and you need help to get rid of it, and i am here to help you
Then I had a miscarriage, and after that incident he was kind and wonderful to me. He never gambled, but rather took care of me and took care of me, and I thought at the time that “maybe he will stop gambling for me.”
image copyright David Cannon/Allsport/Getty Images
Peter Shilton has maintained his international football career while succumbing to a decades-old gambling addiction
Peter is gambling again but I think he has changed this time, we lost a baby we wanted and I think the loss made him worry he was going to lose me too.
I felt that he was beginning to realize that he had a serious problem, and that there would be no wedding or honeymoon in Barbados.
Instead of yelling, screaming and losing my balance, I started taking the problem one step at a time.
I was very scared for his mental health, it was obvious that he was deteriorating as he was immersed in gambling addiction to the extreme.
Our relationship had always been sweet and playful, but he became depressed and withdrawn.
image copyright David Cannon/Allsport/Getty Images
Shilton faced some of the greatest players in football history, including Diego Maradona
One Sunday he disappeared upstairs. I could hear him on the phone, trying to get money for a job he was doing. “I’m going to the spare room,” I told him, “I really need to clear my head.”
In the morning he looked awful, he had never slept.
“a fatal sense of loneliness”
He told me, “I know I have a problem, I’m going to stop gambling, but I’m going to need you to be by my side and help me.”
We then hugged and it was one of the best moments of my life.
I gave up my job to help him, and he is going through a very difficult time.
Peter still can’t remember the first week after he stopped gambling, and when he couldn’t sleep, he had to start a new life.
image copyright Mark Leech/Getty Images
Peter played for England before the semi-finals with West Germany in the 1990 World Cup
I fought a daily battle to try to take his mind off the gambling, to keep him calm. He longed for betting and gambling, and within three months he began to calm down. He began to enjoy golf, and we enjoyed walking on the beach together.
We got through that ordeal together without anyone’s help, and I called the Betfair gambling company and asked them for help, but they didn’t do anything at all, and they didn’t put any restrictions on his account.
The whole time I was trying to deal with my feelings, I felt deathly lonely.
When his father died, I was afraid it would get him down again. I had to deal with my own fears, obsessions and trust issues.
Five years after he broke his addiction, we started hearing about children who took their lives because of gambling.
I told Peter he had to do something. He would be heard and very influential, he was very empathetic and said, ‘This is what I have to do, I have to try to save lives.’
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Peter and Steve at the FIFA Best Awards in London 2018
It took a lot of courage, we did an interview in January 2020 to raise awareness about the dangers of gambling and the next morning we received messages from addicts and from people in their lives who are addicted.
They were sad, poignant, crying messages, there were addicts who decided to get help, because of Peter, and it’s clear what he’s doing is greatly raising awareness.
But I realized that the addict’s family and loved ones don’t get any help and that’s sad because the loved ones and the family are victims just like the addicts and they shouldn’t be ignored because I was the antidote to Peter and the reason for his recovery.
I got a diploma to become a therapist and spoke to the addiction recovery agency, ARA, who had a few jobs.
I have been working with the agency since last April, as an ambassador and consultant, working on their project called “Six to Ten”. This project puts family and friends first in need; It derives its name from “six to ten” from the number of people affected by one person’s gambling.
This is exactly what is needed – not only the financial side, but also the emotional one. There are angry people, parents who want to tell their children they are addicted and you have to explain to them, it’s not their fault, it’s a disease and addiction no different than drug addiction.
More support is needed for addicts in recovery to give them the best chance of continuing and not returning to gambling.
To anyone who is worried about their loved ones, I would say: If your gut tells you something is wrong, follow your gut, when in doubt, they must be correct.
You have to be strong to get through it all, and be sure that there is support.
When Peter and I look back we think, “We’re amazing, did we really go through all this?” This is an achievement for both of us.
Peter said he was never as happy as he is now, and when he recovered, I felt the peace of mind he now had, the stability and calmness that overwhelmed him. He looked ten years younger and enjoyed life.
That was seven and a half years ago.
Ironically, he was one of the greatest goalkeepers in the world and I, the little girl from Essex, managed to save him.
Gambling firm Betfair said it had changed its policy since Shelton’s recovery, and in similar circumstances now suspends a person’s account and files a lockout order if there are concerns a customer is losing control.
Story as relayed by Laura Devlin