A woman who creates her own body… Noura’s story

Speech weaving

I got a wedding invitation from an old friend of mine. As soon as I caught my eye on the invitation, I went back in memory 10 years and said to myself, “Oh, is Manal Al-Dahaha Fakrani?” She was a serious girl who had no time but to work hard, so the class called her “Al-Dahiha”, but I decided to accept her invitation. An opportunity to see what time has done and is it the same time that has passed by me, or do times vary by geographic area?

On the promised night, I called my college classmates to ask which of them would go to the wedding. No one responds. No one responds, that’s okay, I won’t give up on this evening, maybe going out with the evening company will be a good alternative to the loneliness that hangs at our feet whenever we try to get away from it.

I arrived at seven in the evening. Evening parties in Cairo start at the beginning of the night, and do not last long, as they often end in a fight between the guests, or between the groom’s family and the bride’s family.

How I long to see this shining luster that exists only in the Egyptian lanes. Singing is like noise, and people’s faces look tired, but they fake tiredness with a smile. My appearance was very striking compared to the women sitting at the party, here in the Imbaba neighborhood, and the looks from the guests almost killed me. I felt scared when one of them put her hand on my thigh and pulled me by the arm, laughingly saying, “You are welcome, O Okhchi.”

I collected the rest of my feelings that were scattered on the ground because of that woman, then I greeted the bride and thanked her for her invitation, and as I left the ceremony, I felt soft breaths take hold of me. Where did you come from and how did you feel this feeling, I don’t know, all I cared about was that this safety did not stop, and after looking at him for a long time, he said to me: “You need help? I didn’t answer. He repeated his question twice and got no answer. I was still frozen under the sudden rush of desire that arose.

His eyes and the way he styled his hair looked like the man I always wanted to be my other half, but he left the world and left me without love, without security and without life . I opened the car door even though I didn’t want to leave this poorly dressed man with worn shoes and a crying face. I want to stand here for the rest of my life and just look at him, satisfy my eyes with a longing that I was deprived of early, but a woman like me must not have these feelings, she must not know love . A woman like me receives betrayal and slaps from a dead, waxy face reheating yesterday’s meal.

A woman like me must not have these feelings, she must not know love. A woman like me receives betrayal and slaps with a dead, waxy face, and reheats yesterday’s meal…a metaphor.

I returned home with rivers crying in my head and scenes drying up. Souad met me. She said to me, “The father asked about you, Mrs. Hanem.” I knew that my husband had returned from a business trip in France. I knocked on the office door, he didn’t answer. I thought he was eagerly waiting for me after an absence of six months. I entered the bedroom looking for him. She found a bottle of French perfume and a letter of apology, in which he said: “My love, excuse me for being very busy.” He left to finish a job.

I was not disturbed as usual, but I chose to go back, and I brought the box of memories and sat down to remember Yahya, as I was, with the evening dress in which I went out, my perfume that I wore did, and my shoes that I didn’t take off, and I started to live a lot of moments with the past, when we met at the university and when we were We run in the rain to catch a lecture at eight in the morning , and the cold of winter embraces us. I remember well his calm, elegant speech, and his messages every morning that I still read on my old phone. Many memories that I can’t forget but the most painful of them is when he rushed me out of a car that almost hit me on the university road but ended his life. He left the world and will not leave my heartbeat .

I woke up unusually early with the taste of a dry kiss I never had and a soul-wrenching memory in my mouth. I asked Souad to prepare breakfast, and I found her giving me a bouquet of flowers. I asked her who left her, she said she didn’t know. I said to myself, perhaps the star of yesterday that shone in my heart and my eyes, and my guess was right. I didn’t let the opportunity go to waste and called him immediately. We made an appointment and met.

His appearance has changed little, but poverty bites his feet and perhaps his whole life. I had no problem with that, I imagined if I were his wife, maybe I should be like him now, bitten by poverty and misfortune, but less sorry for myself.

After 10 meetings between us, and every time he talked to me about my beauty, the secret of my attractiveness and my elegance, he didn’t tell me about feelings of love, he didn’t talk to me about a kiss , I even tried to explain to him my desire for a sexual encounter with him, but he did not comment in the first place, and when I told him that I was married, he did not get upset. He didn’t say get rid of your husband and get married or even reject the relationship between us. nothing at all. I almost exploded and ripped off my daring underwear.

I felt that boredom was about to kill a relationship that never started in the first place. Yes, I’m looking for love that I can’t get from my husband. I’m looking for attention. I want another half who cares about the details of my day, tells me the details of his day, and tells me every day about his joy in my presence and makes me feel my femininity Social prestige before society and people.

It is not Noura who has changed. I have changed too. I got rid of my conflicted feelings, and decided to start over. Noura found a woman in me just as she found a woman in her, and the two of us continued with all ferocity and rebirth, to life that never stops… a metaphor

I called him to ask him my questions about this dry relationship, and I found him sad, crying, weak, and he told me in pain: “I am not a man as you imagine, I am a woman inside me.” The shock almost shook me, but at this moment I understood that I am the security for him/her, as she wants to live out her true tendencies as a woman just like me, but she is afraid. The tremor in her voice hurt me, and the fears she tried to hide hurt me. I asked to meet her immediately. I stopped all the grief that had accumulated on her shoulders since this time, her psychological pains made her sit broken in front of me and cry. At the time I thought of nothing but helping her live the way she wanted. Maybe fate chose me out of all these people to do one favor that would make me feel truly happy.

I helped her choose clothes and colors. She told me about the woman in her, and I told her about the sacrificial bird in me. We went through a difficult experience until “Noura” was born.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when she styled her hair and put on a short dress and high heels. It looks like a flower swaying after being strangled by thorns. Joy was written on her face, as if she had won a difficult battle. She fights alone, searching for herself and her world within herself.

I have a new friend, Noura, who really loves me, like I was born again when I knew her. When I look at her, I feel happy because she is just happy. We exchange clothes, bags, accessories and stories together We gossip about men’s stupidity and laugh when we manage to make someone angry or confused.

Five years of love as I watch Noura, now in her mid thirties, succeed day after day. During all the years of her life that have passed, she did nothing, as if the clocks had stopped or as if she were imprisoned in the cage of her body, until she took off the body that did not fit her and lifted the lid of a rich and wealthy soul. This is what made me feel proud and psychologically comfortable. Great job, words cannot describe it.

It is not Noura who has changed. I have changed too. I got rid of my conflicted feelings, and decided to start over. I recalculate my existence in life and search for my true self. Noura found a woman in me just as she found a woman in her, and the two of us went with all the hardness and regeneration to the life that does not stop.

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