No to nervousness, beatings and threatening language

Many parents complain about their children’s stubbornness and not obeying their orders, as this is an unacceptable rebellion. Despite the importance of obedience to parents and adults, experts agree that stubbornness in its entirety is not negative, but can be an indicator of a child’s independence and self-reliance if it is in the appropriate framework without exaggeration in different situations. The question remains. , is stubbornness a healthy phenomenon? Or is it a dangerous indicator that warns of a negative shift in children’s behavior, in light of the majority’s emphasis on calmness, self-confidence and meaningful dialogue in dealing with stubborn children and not not resort to nervousness and beatings. (Al-Madina) contacted specialists and asked them about the definition of stubbornness and its stages, and when it is healthy to learn about Educational methods for dealing with children.

It teaches the child independence and self-reliance

Consultant psychiatrist, dr. Asaad Sabr, explained that stubbornness is defined by the negativity that the child shows towards orders, and it naturally occurs in boys and girls from the age of two, and is considered a positive trait that gives the child independence and self-reliance, which points out that the mother should help her child in that step and not exaggerate in his protection. And he indicated that stubbornness is the language in which the child expresses his personality, which is represented by insisting on doing things without help, and it is a positive function through which the child seeks independence and does not rely entirely on the parents .

Dr. Saber identified steps that help parents raise a child with an independent personality, including focusing on the child’s positivity, and not judging him as stubborn or non-compliant, as well as the constant expression of love which encourages the child to accept and obey, and the use of the art of ignoring, because the more the mother resists and resists the child, the more the child grows. Stubborn, so be careful not to confront, and learn the art of positive withdrawal from minor child fights.

Targeted dialogue should also be used to create positive behavior in the child, and use playtime to cultivate this behavior, while respecting the child’s desires and taking into account his aspirations and abilities.

5 types of stubbornness, the most dangerous with yourself

The academic and educational consultant, dr. Jaafar Al-Madani, said: Stubbornness means disobedience, non-compliance with the demands of adults, and insistence on behavior that may be wrong or undesirable.

Al-Madani shows the stages of stubbornness, where the first stage begins when the child is able to walk and talk before the age of three, due to his sense of independence and the growth of his mental perceptions An expression of separation from parents. Over time, the teenager discovers that stubbornness and defiance are not the right way to achieve his demands, therefore he learns proper social habits of giving and receiving, especially if the parents treat the boy with a degree of flexibility and understanding. Regarding the forms of stubbornness, Al-Madani said: There are 5 forms, including what is normal and what is not. Of course, the first is the stubbornness of determination and will to fix a game, and this type prefers to be encouraged and supported because it is a kind of determination and will.

As for the second type, it is stubbornness with oneself, and its example is when the child tries to resist and torture himself and gets into an internal conflict with himself, such as getting angry with his mother and food to refuse while he is hungry. insists on continuing to watch TV despite his mother’s attempt to persuade him to go to bed. The fourth type is a behavioral disorder, and its example is when he has a strong desire to be hostile, quarrelsome and oppose others. The fifth type is physiological and appears when organic brain injuries occur, such as types of mental retardation, and the boy can appear with her in the appearance of passive stubbornness.

Parents are behind the stubbornness of children

Dr. Al-Madani says: Many scholars believe that fathers and mothers are the reason for rooting stubbornness in children, because they are born on instinct and know nothing of it.

He attributed this to the fact that sometimes the orders of adults are not appropriate to reality and can lead to negative consequences, which push the child to stubbornness, indicating that the child rejects the dry tone and accepts hope and resorts to stubbornness when he tries to limit. his movement and prevents him from doing what he wants without trying to persuade him.

He pointed to some other reasons, including parents’ neglect of their child’s affairs and deprivation of maternal tenderness. Stubbornness occurs as a child’s reaction against excessive dependence on the mother, and a way to confront feelings of helplessness, inadequacy and suffering.

The child can also in some situations learn from his parents that problems and problems are solved by violence, therefore he tries to follow his father and mother through the method of crying and stubbornness to achieve his demands, pointing out that imbalances and neurological diseases one of the reasons for the emergence of stubbornness, and in some cases the child pushes himself to the end He is a good child in front of his parents, and this pressure on himself leads to fatigue, boredom and boredom, and he shows a desire to be stubborn and make noise.

The warmth and flexibility to tame the stubborn

Dr Jaafar explained the methods of dealing with the stubborn child, the importance of moving away from coercion towards obedience, and resorting to warm treatment and flexibility in situations as long as it does no harm, and to replace the child with something else to occupy and camouflage him when he is young, and discuss and understand with him when he is old.

He called for punishment when stubbornness occurs directly, provided we know what kind of punishment works for the child in particular, and beware of the “beating method” because the child feels humiliated and broken, and our requests from the child must not worded in a way that makes him feel like we expect him to be rejected because that opens the door for him not to respond.

The pattern of treatment must be determined together with the child, and the permissible of others must be calmly determined in each situation, and the child must be allowed some rejection in order to have a personality capable of making a decision. to take. We also need to allocate time for the child during the day to get close to him, compensate him for being distracted by him and give the child time to go out of the house to the parks so that he feels free and playful. not working with him.

Hitting makes the problem worse

The book “The Problem of Stubbornness in Children” is considered one of the most successful books that dealt with this phenomenon and managed to develop practical solutions for it and advice for parents and educators. Stubbornness, and being eager to always discuss it as if it were a great person, because it strengthens itself before itself and makes him gradually give up stubbornness.

It is completely wrong to use nervousness or beatings and violence with a stubborn child. For this will not cure the problem, but rather aggravate it, just as appearing before the child in the guise of a weak and helpless person makes him persist in his stubbornness, and from here it was necessary that any father and mother treats her child calmly and to also have self-confidence because it has a positive outcome.

When a child performs a positive behavior, parents should encourage and praise him for his good deeds. Because it will improve the child’s self-confidence and make him calmer and less violent and stubborn.

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