How do you raise your children?.. Here are the main methods of indirect positive education for children | Mirror

beirut- Children receive good educational methods from parents, so the relationship between the two parties is healthy and does not put them in danger in the future. As for the parents’ wrong and negative behavior, it can affect the children in the future, weaken their personalities . and make them more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and aggression.

Raising children is not an easy matter, either it is correct and healthy, or it is a failure that results in negative consequences due to the inability of the parents to fully fulfill their duty. What are the expert tips for moms and dads to follow the foundations of positive parenting?

Doctor Olga Sopra, a psychotherapist for children and adolescents, believes that the modern indirect methods of raising children are a big challenge for parents, as they have to learn how to listen to the child and leave space for him to express his needs, and learn to relax to achieve dialogue and move away from negative treatment of the child, as well as pay attention to the words he uses. you tell him Sopra reviews some positive parenting methods and how to use them with the child, including:

Parents must choose appropriate words that do not cause emotional or moral harm to children (Pixels)

1- The style to respect the child’s personality and firm authority:

Positive parenting methods aim to draw attention to the child’s good behaviour. Examples of a child’s good behavior include getting dressed alone, cooperating with his brother, picking up his toys, and helping his mother clean his room. Examples of annoying or intolerable child behavior include crying, fighting with siblings, shouting, refusing to dress, and tantrums.

2- The method of praising and avoiding punishment and yelling:

Parents should choose appropriate, non-angry words that do not harm children emotionally or morally, and do not diminish their self-confidence, but rather strengthen their belief in their abilities and self-worth.

3- The method of presenting several options:

Most parents are used to using scolding, criticizing and shouting methods to correct their children’s mistakes. As for the methods of praise and encouragement for good deeds, it seems unfamiliar to them. It is not easy for them to make praise a daily habit despite its simplicity, because of its importance in forcing the child to repeat good deeds.

4- The method of setting boundaries:

Setting clear boundaries makes the child feel safe, so things don’t get out of control.

5- Education with reward and punishment:

In the event that the child behaves benignly, the parents decide to give him the reward, such as sweets, a walk or buying a toy. For example: Tell your child that if he does not pick up his toys from the floor, you will hide them from him all day and he will not be able to play with them. And don’t forget to follow up, did he pick it up or not care? Then don’t give up and stand back if your child decides to pick her up late.

6- Talk to your child and listen to him:

Listen to the problems of the little one, teach him problem solving skills and work with him by asking questions to find solutions to his problem.

7- Teach your child the difference between right and wrong.

This establishes his confidence in his ability to overcome crises in the long term.

1 We must focus more on discipline than punishment, therefore we must teach our children the appropriate methods of good behavior, without using punishment with blame, shame or pain - (Pixels)_
Our children must be taught the appropriate ways of good behavior without using punishment with blame, shame or pain (Pixels)

Principles of adopting a child’s personality

Researcher and author Jane Nielsen, in her best-selling book “Positive Discipline” in education, talks about the most important principles that build a young child’s personality, including:

  • Mutual respect based on kindness and firmness: Children feel more comfortable in an environment governed by clear laws and principles that everyone respects, and one of the main reasons for respect is the culture of apologizing to parents when they make a mistake, inappropriate behavior.
  • Encouragement instead of praise: Encouragement is one of the most valuable forms of discipline. What is meant here is to encourage a good deed, not to praise a child, such as saying, “You have become skilled at solving this issue,” not to tell him: “You are a genius.”
  • Consequences not punishment: The “consequence” method is one of the most successful methods of discipline, which is to give each misbehavior a corresponding consequence that is a direct and logical consequence of it, such as the consequence of abusing toys (breaking them, for example) is to take them away with reference to the reasons for this behavior of the mother/father, and to tell him It is available when he wants to use it well, instead of physical, verbal or even psychological punishment, such as ignore or place the child in the punishment corner. All these methods make matters worse and produce a distorted, rebellious, withdrawn or vengeful personality, all of which are negative results that parents do not want to achieve. Her way.

Necessary skills for children

“A child with bad behavior is a child who lacks encouragement,” says Nielsen. There are other factors that help make the child feel good, such as appreciating his ideas and thanking him for his efforts, periodic family meetings and child-specific meetings that discuss what the child is going through and occupy his mind.

A positive parenting environment leads to the child learning life skills and social skills to build a normal and effective personality, characterized by respect, problem solving, independence, cooperation and consideration of the feelings of others. These skills provide a good atmosphere in which the child feels his importance as an active, influential and participating individual around him.

4These methods are considered a great challenge for the parents, according to Sopra, to learn how to listen to the child, how to express his needs, go down to his limits and control his anger-(
Parents must learn how to listen to the child and go down to the limits of his thinking (Pixels)

The 5 most important modern methods of positive education

Here are the 5 most important methods of positive parenting that can be used to raise children, according to a report by author Amy McCready published by the “Positive Parenting Solutions” website, who is the founder of the website and a coach who specializes in positive parenting and has several well-known authors, who offer various strategies that make a wonderful and bright start in The house is free from the negative atmosphere and wrong behavior, which are:

  1. To get to the bottom line of behaviorBecause there is always a basic incentive that pushes the child to disruptive or wrong behavior, parents must therefore know what is the main reason behind this aggressive behavior. Once the problem is solved, the unwanted reaction of the child can be avoided.
  2. Make sure you maintain a regular routine at home in a coordinated and serious mannerIf children are expected to make their beds, get dressed and brush their teeth every morning before eating breakfast, then this routine must be followed every day.
  3. Say “No to Bonuses”Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. When making discipline decisions for children, it is very important to keep long-term goals in mind because rewards are ineffective and only provide short-term gains. Numerous studies have shown that many children who are rewarded lose enthusiasm for the hobby they are engaged in, whether it is painting, reading, practicing the piano, or even doing their homework.
  4. Focus on what you can control – yourself. Instead of saying that my child is a poorly behaved child who can be seen as a young child who has not been properly and properly taught to behave appropriately in a particular situation, so mothers and fathers should be more prepared be to deal with this misconduct.
  5. Discipline – Don’t Punish: We need to focus more on teaching our children the appropriate ways of good behavior, without using blame, punishment or slander, so that they are outstanding young people who are able to face the difficulties of life positively. And we must teach our children to listen without interrupting or shouting, with little personal effort on the part of the parents.
    7 Mother Nancy Noureddine Hassouna says the more we care for our children and try to understand them more, the more we listen to them and talk to them in a kind and gentle way, the more
    Nancy Hassouna: We spoke to our children in a friendly way that reflects positively on their mental health in the future (Al-Jazeera)

More positive ways to discipline children

Mother Nancy Noureddine Hassouna says: “The more we care for our children and try to understand them more, the more we listen to them and talk to them in a kind and gentle way, thus reflecting positively on their mental health in the future. “

Hassouna claims: “There are more positive ways to discipline children, and hitting is wrong and will not work. The method of firmness and kindness together is one of the best methods I have adopted with my three sons, and I have been able to teach them control behavior by not shouting and anger, and not using permanent threats, while focusing on dialogue, encouragement and praise.”

She explains that her son (6 years old) is trying to rely on himself to get dressed. As she does, she praises him after he puts on his pants, then his shirt, then his shoes. This encouragement drives him to become more cooperative and enthusiastic.

Hassouna ends by saying: “It is very necessary to show feelings of love to all children and not to fall into the error of inequality between children, because this will generate a state of jealousy and even hatred among brothers.”

8 Mary Claire Akl, she admits that she overdid her only son, and it made him stubborn and sometimes scream to get what he wanted - (Jazeera Net)_
Marie-Claire Akl admits that she spoiled her only son excessively, which made him stubborn and sometimes scream to get what he wanted (Al-Jazeera)

No extra spoiling!

As for Marie-Claire Akl, she admits that she spoiled her only son a lot, and it sometimes made him stubborn and scream to get what he wanted, and she did not feel like getting him used to order in his private room so he could pick up his toys himself after playing, and he is often the cause of the chaos. She didn’t make him suffer the consequences of his actions, so she is the one who sets up his room and wardrobe.

Mary says with a sigh that she is currently struggling with the issue of raising her son and that she wants to build a positive relationship with her child and tries to discuss his mistakes and ideas without fear or hesitation, while maintaining respect in the conversation . That is, it tries to apply the main strategies of positive education.

She adds that she started asking him to comply with her orders, but he ignores them, and yet she repeats the orders and keeps reminding him constantly until he implements them.

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